Ok Tom this is for you:

CHINESE SICK LEAVE: I no come work today!

Hung Chau calls into work and tells his boss, "I no come work today. I got headache, stomach ache amd head hurts. I no come work!"

The boss says, "You know Hung Chau I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and then I can go to work. You try that.

Two hours later Hung Chau calls again. "I do what you say and I feel great. I come to work now....You got nice house!"