Mark- Yes, I knew what you would say. Maybe I just need to keep hearing it. You said, "The OM that you think is so great will just act on impulse and fail to control himself. This may be a loss of temper, an affair.." This is a high possibility. AGain, need to be reminded this. OM does only care about himself right now. He says over and over "you did this to me" and "it is your fault". I do find my H sexy in the mature family man way, but like I said before something is not quite right. Need to work on how to fix that...could just need time.

The only friend that knows about A is my one gf who had an affair on her first M, married that man. Then, she had multiple A on new man, divorced for second time. Now is with the man who was the last A before last divorce. I doubt you would think she is a good accountability partner. I'm very close with her, but she knows I want my marriage. If I asked her to do this for me, she would.

Ok, klm, I see the point about it being an addiction and the reasons for the accountability system. I'm not going to tell him about the last contact, because it is stupid to do so, but I will think about what to do for the future. Like I said before I know him and now is not the time, maybe in the future. BUT, contacting him again is a "pull" and I need to think about that.

Sara-ty for asking saffie to stop by with info on counseling. You are so helpful to me. You were the first person to respond to my post at the very beginning and you have no idea how much you have helped me.

ROOT- I always figured if "mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy", but could be wrong. Your last post makes so much sense to me. The only thing that runs through my mind is that I am already 37 and wanted a child. I know you are thinking "for gosh sakes already, you are having an A and your M is in ruins and all you are thinking about is yourself and your baby making abilities
". But, what I am saying is I'[m not getting any younger, I've been separated for 3 years up until 2 months ago, and I can't do this much longer. BUT, I agree....I need to focus on me being healthy and improve my life.

Saffie- I searched for CBT therapists in my area and have found none so far. I will keep searching. Maybe I could get those books to start me off. I am good with books and learn greatly from them.

Puppy- Let's hear the system. Can't promise you I will use it, but would like to hear it.