Randy, don't even think about control. I tried to control, tried to find a way to have some say so in her feelings and actions. I messed up big time. Now she wants nothing to do with me. Your only control is with yourself. Patience. It is easier to give advice, then it is to heed it. remember everytime you want to push, step back count to ten and change the subject. I'm praying for you.
Long time, no see. Looks like things are continuing on as they were. Take it from me, this can go on forever. I have stayed close to my ex over all these years. And things never change. At some point, you will need to change the dynamic. For me, it almost happened earlier this month. The job situation in New England is horrible and I was about a week away from getting in my car and heading to Vegas for a change. Then, a seasonal position came through and I am here until January. The plan remains the same. Actually, I even told the ex I was heading there. She understood. We'll see what happens then.
But remember - this could go on for a very long time.
AnitaSue,
We have been divorced for 3 years and still go to church as a family. Wierd, isn't it!
inmyplace--want to hear something else that's weird--I am from New England too--Springfield actually, How about you? I understand about the job situation. I lost my job of sixteen years and got my divorce all in the same month. It's taken me three years to straighten out my money. Do you have children and that's why you all go to church together? I don't know much about your situation so pardon me, but do you want to get back with your wife?? I have just begun and I already know what you mean when you say that this can go on forever. When do you reach where forever is enough?
We do stay close because of the kids. My story is old and I don't replay it very much. There is an OM involved. So as far as getting back together, one can't help but to think of it when there is much interplay. We taljk a lot and she has a habit of keeping me close and calling on me when no one else is available. But believe me, I see all the chinks in the armor. But as long as she is with OM, she isn't what I want. But I guess I hang in because I see someone who isn't completely sure of herself. I do date when the mood hit, but generally it isn't anything of consequence. I am more interested in getting where I am going.
Forever will happen when we are ready for it to happen.
inmyplace: I think you just hit it for me when you said that you are just interested in getting to where you are going--I think I need to practice this.
Your sitch sounds a lot like mine, only that I have only been divorced a little over a week. It was like my X and I were never seperated, she did everything here but sleep here for the longest time. We went on vacation together, go places together(her request usually). There is OM involved. I have tried dating and it made her insanely jealous, but she doesn't want to have anymore of a relationship with me. I'm trying to distance myself, and work on myself. X wants to come over this weekend and clean the house. I've got a thread on here asking for advice, and most say don't let her come. I've got another problem in that this woman that I have been dating some is ready for a serious relationship that I'm not ready for. I just want to have some fun and escape the loneliness. Hang in there, that's what I'm trying to do.
robb
Me:53 W:50 M:29 years T: 30 years Children: S21, D12
Well I am back from 10 days in the mountains.I know I needed it and I guess XW must have too.She stayed at my house while I was gone and she has stayed the last 2 nights since I was home.We aren't sleeping together yet but it has to be a good sign.Hell after sleeping in a sleeping bag for 10 nights I don't know if I'm ready for a bed yet anyway.I'll try to catch up with everyone and see what is going on.
We had a good weekend and xw stayed at the house except for last night and she didn't feel well and wanted to go to bed early and get some laundry done. That was the first night in over a week she had stayed at her house.She keeps bringing stuff over and leaving it so I hope all the signs are good.
