Sex-Starved Husband. Will Work For Sex.

[CharlieBrown]

Silly,

I feel your pain on a lot of fronts. First, my wife really was too tired on our wedding night and I see now that this set a bad tone for our relationship right away. Looking back, I see a bunch of times in our dating and early days of marriage where I should have drawn a line in the sand, but instead was too much a of nice guy. Speaking of nice guy, make sure you add "No More Mr. Nice Guy" to your reading list. I found it was spot on for me and I spot a lot of me in you, as you describe yourself.

A few other thoughts, in no particular order:
1. Glad you are staying in your bed. I understand the other opinion, but agree with yours.
2. Spend your next two weeks of your sexual sabbatical to hone in on and get working on a plan for yourself. I like what you are doing and planning on doing with your bedroom. Get it done pronto, even though she may resist because she may see the piles of clothes and clutter as comforting to her current state of being.
3. If you could lose 100 pounds once, you could do it again and should. Do it for you, but as a side benefit, your wife likely wants to lose weight as well and you will lead by example (and I have found, the meals cooked, food in the fridge, etc. tends to be more healthy if one person is trying to lose weight). Don't make a big thing of it, just use your time off to start exercising some and watch what you eat. In the end, will she suddenly find you ravishing and jump your bones nonstop? Probably not, but you will feel better and if she loses weight on her own, so will she. Also, in the event she is not as attracted to the heavier version of you as you are to the heavier version of her, you will be more attractive to her.
4. My last suggestion is a tough one. I found your postings to be touching and beutifully reflective of the frustration a HDH feels. I don't think it would be possible to say them in a discussion (particularly when your wife is crying or as is the case for me, being angrily defensive and in denial) any better. I would recommend you sit down to talk to her and tell her you came here for help and this is what you are feeling, and show her your thread. It might be a shock to her to read it as I would guess that you have never said things in as unvarnished a way as you did here, but I suspect it would be a healthy shock. I think this type of a jolt is what others were suggesting with moving to a different bed.

Anyway, I wish you the best and as I said, feel your pain.

CB