OK. You can still make this light. Of course, you'll help her. What about a text back that says,
"I can help you out, but I might need some yummy delectables, or mad phone sex since you seem to negotiate so well these days. Seriously, how much do you need?"
That way she'll feel relieved that you can look at this with a sense of humor and not burden. And, she'll know that you're willing to help her out. A little flirtation in the disguise of a joke. She might not know what to think.
Last edited by ms ladybug; 06/17/0809:37 PM.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
I like that. I tried to call her on my lunch break, but she texted back asking if we could just text. It ticked me off, here I am helping her out and she won't even talk to me?
Oh well. Like we talked about on Lola's thread, calling is very different from texting. Also, FIL told her a few months ago to keep her contact to e-mail and text only, so there's probably some of that crap going on. I'll just ignore it.
Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
The good thing about texting is that you can THINK before you respond. Sometimes I prefer it just to give me time before I just REACT. However, if I was asking for money, I'd talk straight to you. Why did her dad suggest that? You're good to ignore it.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
However, if I was asking for money, I'd talk straight to you. Why did her dad suggest that?
Because he's pushing her to D. And he's the "wise man" who's been through divorce, so he gives her tips on how he remained emotionally detached. Great Christian guy.
Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
You know, the other good thing about texting is that she can reread the text. I tend to go back and read the texts my H sends over and over...
How are you this morning (((Jon)))
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
i still call her my wife (to others).. is that ok?
Welcome redsawks!
Yes, I think so. Other people need to know you still think that way. Just be careful around her. I've been wearing my ring again, but W asks me to take it off when she's around.
Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
I sent her the joking text message, and got back: W: $200+ what can I do? - so I guess she didn't understand the joke W: u like? (w/ sexy pic message) Me: Yes, VERY much. You know I was kidding about the "conditions". I'll put $200 in the account in a few minutes W: spousal support so I can get back on my feet again? Me: Honey, don't need to call it anything. I know you'll be back on your feet soon W: thank you sweetheart Me: Money is transferred, I'll be out of the gym at 10:00 if you feel like calling
The last one was a risk, but thought I'd put it out there. You can tell how embarrassed she is about this. I guess it's good she used the "spouse" word, she's avoided that for a while. Also, she's been talking about getting back on her feet for 9 months. Isn't going to happen, but I still wanted to be encouraging.
She called a little later, I asked if her if she's enjoying her birthday bear, she said it's at her grandparents ranch. She couldn't bring it home because her parents are watching her "very closely". She's desperate to move out and is looking for an apartment. I hope that's not what she needed money for, I really don't want her getting a place in Houston. We'll see.
Also found out why she's been dark for a couple weeks. Her sister and boyfriend flew in from New York, and she helped him propose! Put a message up on the scoreboard at an Astros game. This is a smart guy, SIL loves baseball. Also helped get her mom's ring polished, ready, etc. W is awesome with that stuff, and it sounds like it came off perfect. I complemented her on pulling it all off. The grandparents (maternal) are beginning to come around, I'm sure FIL and step-mom are still very opposed to the whole thing. So, more family drama. Hopefully she got to spend time talking to SIL, who's very supportive of our M, goes to the same recovery group I do, etc.
She brought up the bachelor thing again, and I asked her why. She said the last three times she's called me, I've been out late at a noisy place or club (sounded a little ticked about it). I told her I was in Chicago and wanted to have some fun while there. She said she forgot about that, we talked about the trip. She asked if I got a new girlfriend on the trip, I laughed and said no.
So I guess this is good DBing, she can tell I'm having fun and got a little nervous. (So glad I found this site, before I would've probably seen this as a negative).
So, I'm very encouraged. She wasn't just ignoring me, but had a whirlwind of family stuff, and then thought I was out partying all the time.
Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
I am so pleased for you, it seems like everything you are doing is really fantastic. Great DBing!!!!
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
i still call her my wife (to others).. is that ok?
Welcome redsawks!
Yes, I think so. Other people need to know you still think that way. Just be careful around her. I've been wearing my ring again, but W asks me to take it off when she's around.
i moved my rign to my right hand... but when we go out tonight and walk our dogs, want to move it back to left.. ideas? she doesnt wear hers and has never told me to take mine off
PS thanks for the welcome, too bad it's under these circumstances we meet
thank you sweetheart