I don't know how to atach all of thetopics or probably don't remember all the names.It started 3 years ago with the bomb and EA with other guy.Seperated for 1 1/2 years until I tried to use D to scare her into working didn't work.So now we have been D for 1 1/2 years.We spent time together off and on.I would start pushing and she would run.They are going to say whatever it takes to get their space. We even went on vacation together last year.In april she had surgery and I was there the whole time since then we have been together all but 2 days at least eating supper and hanging out.We have finally started going out some just us 2.We leave on vacation next saturday. She said just the other day that she guessed if we could be around each other that long there was hope.If she gets pissy with me about something I can just say fine then lets go back to acting like we were D.She told me she is trying and I believe her.I think she is finally realizing that everyone else left her but me even with the OM I was still there and have never brought it up since.If you forgive someone you can't bring up the past as punishment.She still has issues and believe me there are times that she will get upset about something that I think like why do I want back in this and then I remember how much I love her so here I am.I hope this gives you some kind of idea.There were the threats from her and I had to deal with knowing the OM was there and all the issues everyone else her deals with.
Randy: She is a lucky lady to have you accept her for everything she is. You are one of the most patient men I have met - keep up the good work and have one heck of a vacation!
Your points are well taken. It takes a lot of time and patience to get what you truly want. I know my ex is seeing someone else, although she refuses to admit it. I have done some pretty awful things, accusing her, snooping and things like that. I may have blown things for good, but somehow I don't think so. I know things are set back, but if I stay the course, be her friend, and above all forgive I know we will be back together.
Randy things are going so good for you, I am really happy, God Bless you and your family.
I've just picked up looking at this BB again . You sound like where I would like to be . W had EA - found out in Jan. Is adamant about D . I have very recently let go Emotionally - since then getting on better . But she is doing up house to sell . I think now that time apart will do us good and am trying to focus on the 2 children (2 girls 3 and 5 ). Not sure if it helps but have recently refound my faith and have given it all to God . Its out of my hands and I now feel that I am not on trial anymore. But back to your sitch. I have loads of people telling me to get out - but I know if she changed her mind I would take her right back - I suspect we would both need some counselling.
My view is I stand a better chance than OM
1. I am father of our 2 children 2. Our relationship (15yrs married 10) has gone through thick and thin - her current one is still in New and exciting mode 3. As a Christian I believe we were bought together !! 4. At the moment she is denying her faith - won't go to church -- because she knows deep down what she is doing is wrong.
So I am accepting the sitch - trying to enjoy life and look for the +ve
Its like she is trying to find justification for what she has done - I am long past the relationship she has with OM - I am partly to blame for things as well .
How have you dealt with Children through the D or am I getting my threads mixed up ??
You are doing the right things,make her file if she wants one.She can't sell the house without you saying ok or getting D.Probably what forced me was that X got terrible mean and threatening.So I said fine.Now life is good and she knows where she wants to be and I think if I hold out we will be back together.This is the big reason so many states are making seperation for long period before D mandatory.As for the kids we have always interacted good.But for a long time it was I picked them up on wedesday and wouldn't hear from her until I took them back on sunday.We have joint residesual custody which is the way to go.Start this arrangement while seperated and keep a journal.Good luck
survived vacation and all went well.X and kids had a good time and we are still seeing each other in the evenings and having supper. I even gave her a back rub while we were gone.We a couple small R talks and in one of them she said we were dateing. She even slipped and called me hon,the kids caught that quick and said something to her and she just said oh well.Every day is an adventure.
That sounds excellent and I'm pleased you enjoyed your vacation. Maybe some would call them baby steps but I call accepting a back rub and getting called hon, breakthroughs. Especially getting called hon....woohoo.
You've been a model of patience with XW and now you are starting to see the benefits. If it were me, I wouldn't push too hard with the R talks, there just doesn't seem to be any value in them. Just keep on doing what is working and in your case, enjoy the success.
Guess you are probably fed up with being patient however, it seems to be your virtue. Keep it up. You've turned some significant corners lately.
Suit
"It's better to have no spouse than have a bad spouse"
thanks suitedup,I do keep them short and the usually start by joking around.XW was at the house when I got home last night making supper and we had a good time as usual.I am getting a little closer every day so I will keep working on it
Sorry I am just now getting back,elwood don't give up,believe me 3 years ago it was about as bad as it can get. It took time and I don't know if I had it to do over again if would have waited.We aren't back together yet but she is at my house whenever I get home from work and she says we are dateing. She even called and asked me out to lunch yesterday and she seems alot more careing about what she says and does. She did tell me that one of her worries was that if we got back together that she wouldn'tbe able to do anything because I wouldn't trust her.I told her that I love her and I would and she would have to show me that she loved me and trusted me.She understood that.I hope everyone has a great day and gets what they wish for.
