separated on the shores of lake erie

[Neilh23]

so i'm going to be legally separated in like a week from my W..... i've been DBing for about 2.5 weeks now...and it seems to be getting better....however, my W says that getting one of these is "proactive"...can someone enlighten me as to why?

here is the link to my original thread in newcomers...

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1480509

[ms ladybug]

Hi Neil,
Welcome to the sep forum. It's not a nice place to be, but there are some great people here to help you along.

I'm not sure what your wife means by "proactive". In your state, is there a separation time period before you can divorce? That's the only thing I can think that she's thinking. Unless she's also trying to protect herself and the kids financially without having to get a divorce? That would be a good sign that she's not jumping straight to divorce.

Sorry your finding yourself here. I wish I could help more, but obviously I need to brush up on DR, because I did some major backsliding today. I guess we all do at some point.

[Neilh23]

Ladybug-
Yeah, we need to be separated for a year before we can actually have a divorce. I think her mindset is that I caN'T change, so lets just get separated (because she couldn't charge me with anything to actually start the divorce proceedings...so she said) and wait the year. for the last couple of months, i wasn't doing so hot changing....doing so now. simple things. not sure if she notices, but i think she does....

[ms ladybug]

Beleive me, she notices. You're under a microscope now. She'll notice every word, action, facial expression, etc...

Don't forget to get a life. Do things for YOU. She'll so that to, and that will draw her in some.

[Neilh23]

yeah, i'm GAL. i'm doing alot of things, getting my apartment set up and whatnot. I found something slightly amusing.... i put a cuople of posters up in my daughters' room here...and my wife, when she got her place, put the exact same ones up..... we are friendlier and she has opened up about how frustrating waiting for this sep agreement to come down is for her. she blames my attorney, but also me...she thinks i could speed it up a bit by just agreeing to it. but that's not just going to happen. gotta protect myself...not sure she understands that

[Neilh23]

so i'm going to be legally separated in like 2 hours............not cool.

i'm down right now. been that way for a couple of days.....

[LolaL]

(((Neilh))) I am sorry to hear of your situation.

Can you provide more details?

I am a Rochester NY alum...where are you in New York?

[Neilh23]

thanks loial. i like your name......from the wheel of time series?

the link for my sitch is up top in my original post for this forum.

I'm in the dunkirk/fredonia area.....about 2 hours from rochester.

there is a lot to my sitch....and i know it's just a piece of paper..and that in NY you need to be separated a year before anything becomes official. and a lot can change in a year. and if i let myself act down, then i WILL create what i look to avoid.... hwich is a divorce. it's difficult right now, but in a way it's going to be a relief. no more argueing about it, no more worrying about it. it'll be done.....

[Neilh23]

actually, i found out that we can't do anything for a year... in terms of a D. one of us would have to start the proceedings a year and a day from the day we signed the agreement. It's just a basic agreement that sets out the terms for a D. so in some ways its' good. we just fought alot during the wordings of this. Still sucks tho.

[Neilh23]

hey all. if you've read any of my posts in the newcomers forum, you'll know my story...

and my fears.

one of which is whether or not my WAW notices my changes. Do they? anyone have a concrete answer? I know I should trust myself to just do this, but sometimes, i need reassurance that she WILL notice them...