Whatever accountability system I put in place, I would be able to "crack" it if need be. I think maybe I feel that a hurdle I need to jump is to WANT to stop on my own, not because I have to but because I WANT to.?????
The thing is that OM is an addiction for you. He makes you feel good....just like alcohol makes an alcoholic feel good..even though it isn't good for them.
Yeah, you can crack the system...but it should be HARDER to crack the system. An alcoholic shouldn't keep beer in the house...yeah, he could crack the system by going to the store and buying some...but doesn't that make it a little harder than just having it in the house??
You are making excuses. You will never be able to effectively work on your marriage if there is contact with OM. He makes you feel good, I don't think you are going to WANT to stop on your own. You need to stop because you HAVE to....then after a LONG time with NC...you may WANT to. You need help to get over that hurdle. Puppy, you are better at this than me, maybe you can give her some ideas for a transparency/accountability system.
