I think by now wdid you can guess what I am going to say. I will say it anyways.
If you tell the OM you are working on your marriage and he does NOT stay away he's is NOT mature enough to enter a long term relationship with you or anyone.
The best measure of how well someone will contribute and respect their own relationshp with you is how they contribute to and respect your relationship with others.
The OM doen'st care about your marriage, so he is not ready to show enough care for any relationsihp you may have with him. You may think it will all be fine long term, but he doen'st have the maturity to work through the rough patches with you.
Right now, what you need from him is space. Even if you ASK him to meet you, he can say NO.
What He needs to do for you is to leave you alone. He isn't doing that. So this is how he will behave when you and he hit a rough patch later. The OM that you think is so great will just act on impulse and fail to control himself. This may be a loss of temper, an affair he ends up having with someone else, etc.
The OM can't police himself like a mature adult. He is NOT ready for you or anyone long term.
Your husband HAS policed himself. Many men would have thrown you out, changed the locks and took your child away from you. Your husband is controlling himself and showing the maturity it takes to make it long term. The OM is NOT shwoing maturity at all here.
Your husband is extending care for you while under a considerable amount of upset, the OM is extending care for himself despite a mountain of obvoius signs he doens't belong anywhere near you.
Who is going to make it long term with you here? Who do you want around your child?
Stop fantasizing and thinking THAT is what keeps couples together long term. The secret ingredient to long term life of a marriage is maturity. Your husband is showing it and the OM is not.
You need to change your criteria for what you consider vailable in a spouse. Romance and sex are NOT going to keep a couple alive long term. Look for maturity. To my mind right now in my home demonstrating the maturity of a full grown adult is the sexiest thing on earth.
My guess is most adandoned spouses here will attest to how SEXY some MATURITY would be in a spouse right now.
Looks, charm, and romance, wont' last. Does your spouse care about you as much as they care about themselves? THIS is the bar that must be met. The OM just cares about himself right now - he failed your test by NOT walking away. Your husband is the sexy one showing compassion and a world of maturity. THIS is what your SON needs in his life, not some creep that sneaks around, hurts households, and pisses all over troubled relationsihps in private homes.
Whatever turns you on, lose it and find mauturity and parenting influence sexy. If you want a marriage and a happy child you need to start finding the behaviour that promotes that sexually exiting.
Far too many women find romance and sex exciting, but in the same breath claim they want the security of a long term relationship and a family.
If you WANT something, then praise that as sexy and stop working mauture boring spouses into a corner. If you want a family, then look at family men as sexy and stop playing games.
I for one would be furious to think that someone would suggest the OM is at all the kind of influence I want around my children. Your huasband can parent and guide my children any day. AS for this OM, he should be tossed into a sewer where he belongs...along with the rest of the rats.
