I managed to get a walk in lip wax but then was super rushed getting ready. I decided to go with the yellow halter empire waist dress, NO NECKLACE, black barettes with little white rhinestones, ponytail, aqua sandals, bright red bag, and multicolored striped watch. colorful, but everything was new or only seen last sunday at dinner.
My friend M, a really awesome old friend from college, was able to be my wingwoman. we met at the venue and then had a quick dinner at a hole in the wall mexican place. we hadn't seen each other since december, and she was super affirming about my new outfit, bra, haircut, makeover, watch, bag, everything. It was awesome to connect with her.
We walked over to the venue and went into the back room where B's show was. We were the first people there except for B and an asian girl sitting in the middle of the audience, running the camcorder. I thought maybe the asian girl was the same asian girl who posted on B's facebook page ("first friend-first comment!" ) and that she might be the OW so I just ignored her. B was setting up so I kind of ignored him too and asked M where she wanted to sit, we ended up sitting by the left wall in the middle. After a couple minutes B came over and I didn't stand up to hug him, there was no hug. He didn't remember M at all, which is completley bizarre, she is a very flamboyant person and basically unforgettable. He said, "It was nice to meet you" and M said, "actually, we met a couple years ago" and B was like, "where?" and I said, "In chinatown" [I used to live in boston chinatown, and was pretty sure they had met there at a dinner party I had] and he said, "In new york?" and I said, "no, in boston". WEIRD. But we were calm and friendly and positive.
A couple more people came in, incl the cellist from B's quartet, who greeted me in a friendly way and ended up sitting at my table. We hugged and talked, and I introduced the cellist to M, and they talked about B's quartet maybe playing at M's school (M is a middle school teacher in queens, ny and also the assembly director, and B's is going on tour in iowa to perform in elementary schools in sept, and M said, why don't you come and play at my school first? so I may have networked him a gig).
also because the cellist sat between me and asian girl, I could strategically purposefully not see her.
So B started his set, beginning with this awesome free improvisation that was kind of bluesy, totally beautiful. I just closed my eyes and listened and let the music touch me.
Then, his second song was an appalacian fiddle tune. OK GUYS. I was prepared for him to play his fiddle.. I was NOT prepared for him to sing heartbroken love songs for much of the evening.
Here are some of the lyrics to the first song he sang:
I wish to the Lord I never been born, Nor died when I was young, I never would've seen them two brown eyes, Nor heard that flattering tongue, my love, Or heard that flattering tongue.
CHORUS: I truly understand that you love another man, And your heart shall no longer be mine. I truly understand that you love another man, And your heart shall no longer be mine.
I thought, WTF??? is this about ME? I have brown eyes... OK they are actually brown multicolored hazel eyes that change color depending on my surroudnings and my emotions but... many woudl describe them as brown. Or, Is this about the asian girl? I don't have another man!!! It was a very strong statement to pick as the first song in his set...????
Then he played some Bach, and afterwards another song, these were the lyrics: You ought to see my Cindy, she's from way down south She's so sweet the honey bees, swarm around her mouth
Get along home, Cindy, Cindy Get along home, Cindy, Cindy Get along home, Cindy, Cindy
??? I am from Virginia (K, OD, Ali, Essie--that is in the South) and now I live in Atlanta, also in the south. Was this about me? Was this about asian girl? what was this about?
Then he played another piece with no words, and then this song:
Train on the island, hear the whistle blow Go and tell my true love, I'm sick and I can't go
Afterwards he explained that "train on the island" is an expression for not knowing what to do, because it doesn't really make sense to have a train on an island-- where would it go?
I thought, why is he singing all these songs about a true love? over and over and over?
He played this totally sweet klezmer song, and also another improvisation that was completely wild... he started making sounds with his violin that seriously sounded like feedback from a guitar amplifier, and then he started singing, like these wild vocalizations just welled up in his soul and he he HAD to let them out. Afterwards he made a joke like, "hey, you're all still here!" (surprised that we didn't leave after he made so much noise)
THEN he sang don't think twice:
It ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe It don't matter, anyhow An' it ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe If you don't know by now When your rooster crows at the break of dawn Look out your window and I'll be gone You're the reason I'm trav'lin' on Don't think twice, it's all right
It ain't no use in turnin' on your light, babe That light I never knowed An' it ain't no use in turnin' on your light, babe I'm on the dark side of the road Still I wish there was somethin' you would do or say To try and make me change my mind and stay We never did too much talkin' anyway So don't think twice, it's all right
It ain't no use in callin' out my name, gal Like you never did before It ain't no use in callin' out my name, gal I can't hear you any more I'm a-thinkin' and a-wond'rin' all the way down the road I once loved a woman, a child I'm told I give her my heart but she wanted my soul But don't think twice, it's all right
I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe Where I'm bound, I can't tell But goodbye's too good a word, gal So I'll just say fare thee well I ain't sayin' you treated me unkind You could have done better but I don't mind You just kinda wasted my precious time But don't think twice, it's all right
???????WTF?????? He told me when we had dinner he would sing "don't think twice" and I was super excited and validating b/c I was just pro-dylan. I didn't remember all the lyrics. this is a total breakup song. why did he pick it?? was he singing it about me?
So, during the concert I mostly had my eyes closed or looked at B. It was actually WAY harder than having dinner with him, because when we had dinner together I could just focus on having a conversation, and my mind could only wander for a few seconds at a time. This was like 90 minutes of just watching and wondering. By the way, he looked WAY hotter. He had this hot kind of country looking white shirt on with subtle blue and red plaid (he made a joke about it matching the sparkly red streamers that adorned the back of the stage) and long pants and nice black shoes... none of the old man look. also, the beard looked much better on stage than up close :0
When I was listening, I was very absorbed in the music, as if I were at any other normal event, smiling when things delighted me, scrunching my face up at the good parts, doing a little dance in my chair when I got excited. It was so intense watching him that I had my eyes closed most of the time. When I had my eyes open, he barely looked at me, I think we made eye contact once. I was surprsied that he invited me b/c if it was me, I would be so nervous about singing with my instrument in a public performance for the first time, and presenting this very ambitious program of all these new non-classical styles, that I wouldn't want someone there who would make me so nervous.
I asked M if she thought the asian girl was the OW and she said it looked suspicious but we had no confirmation. M asked me what I thought their vibe was and I said my vibes were so jacked up I couldn't pick up anyone else's vibes, and I felt completely crazy.
During the songs with lyrics, I really tried to focus on my breathing, and on grounding my energy. but those were the hardest for me, so hard.
When I did look at the asian girl, she seemed to be passively listening, not too excited. But she was in charge of passing around the tip jar... B announced from the stage that people could leave tips if they wanted, and then she held up a bucket and said "this is for his food money" and then held up a handcarved wooden beer stein that B's brother gave him a couple years ago and said "this is for his drink money" and everyone laughed halfheartedly. ???? During "don't think twice", asian girl smiled to herself and twirled her foot around. I don't think she knew who I was, because she didn't seem to check me out at all during the evening.
During this song I started to feel extremely panicky. M had left to take a phone call from her BF who was giving her a ride and needed to coodinate pickup times. After the song I asked the cellist to watch my bag while I pretended to go to the bathroom but really just walked outside to look for M and try to calm myself down.
when M came back in, I told her I thought we shouldn't stick around because I was kind of freaking out and I didn't think I could "fake it".
B played one more awesome improvisation, it was variations on "turkey in the straw" but with really crazy indian-style ornamentation, like john mclaughlin on "shakti" (anyone?? )
Afterwards M and I just sat for a little while and talked and laughed together about seeing each other again later in the week. Asian Girl went up to talk to B when he came off the stage, and then he started breaking down his stuff for the next act to play. I waited for a couple people to congratulate him and then tapped him on the back and gave him a friendly hug. His hugging back was a smidge stronger and more affectionate than it was on Sunday.
I was super enthusiastic and told him how much I loved what he did, how hard he rocked, how he sounded like he had grown up in a little appalachian village, how I liked his improvisations, etc etc. It was all totally honest and from my heart. He was really open and receptive, I felt like we connected. I told him his voice was so strong, and his face lit up and he was like, "really? I was so worried about that!" and I was like, no, no, no you were great. (he was great). I also told him I liked his banter between songs, and he said he really appreciated my laughter (I have this huge laugh that is very distinctive) and I lightheartedly said, "then next time I'll laugh more!" Then M came over and asked him tons of really good questions. B explained that all the bluegrass-appalachian songs he had learned at a workshop that "melissa" had told him about (maybe the asian girl? I have NFC who 'melissa' is). we talked some more, M asked more questions. then I was like, "Ok, congratulations, take care, have fun!" and we took off.
On the way out I made a point to greet his friend P, who was the only person other than the cellist in his quartet that I recongized. P gave B his new bicycle and makes him mix CDs, and I met P last summer when things were really sucky with me and B. So I was like, "hey, it's great to see you, how are you doing?" and he said, "I'm sorry, I don't remember your name" and I just reintroduced myself and my friend. I remembered his name. But... WTF? Did he not know who I was? B was with me for five years, has he not talked about me to his friends since the bombs? or did P seriously not recongize me (hot 180s)?
As soon as we got out of the club M announced she was taking me to a cupcake place. We talked about how confusing the lyrics were and how confusing the asian girl was. M told me I was extroardinarily calm during the concert. And she told me that my freedom is an invitation to others to also express their freedom. I was surprised that I seemed calm but I really believe that she was telling me the truth.
She also told me that the asian girl seemed not so bright, kind of passive, and had bad shoes and a bad outfit on. She said she didn't see any chemistry, connection, touching, spark between B and asian girl at all.
At the cupcake place she told me to order as many cupcakes as we wanted so we got five (!!!) and then her man came and picked us up and we talked a lil bit more... it was really amaazing because out of all my friends I think M really sees and understands and supports my changes.
and my brooklyn friend was home and we talked about it too.
So that is what happened. It was so much harder than dinner! I feel like I just ran a marthon!
I am not sure what's next. On wed he leaves for 6 weeks on long island... I can get there from NYC on public transport but it is a lot harder to casually meet up since it is such a schlepp. It would make sense logistically to try to see each other tomorrow or something as we are both in the same city but emotionally I would expect him to need a couple days or months in his cave before our next possible meeting. It might be possible for me to come through NYC in late July or early August and see him then.
So, I think I did an awesome job being enthusiastic, friendly, supportive, positive, happy, and calm. I am slightly more confused than I was before, but nothing bad happened, I didn't walk in on him and an OP f*&*ing in the bathroom, B didn't tell me he hated me, you know, it was OK.
Should I send him a congratulatory email, or wait to hear from him? he didn't answer the last email yet. But I also noticed that both of us will sometimes wait 2 or 3 contacts before responding to the other.
if you read this... I feel so lucky. thank you everyone. I could feel you were with me, I even listened for the little greek voice in my ear
I told you that you needed to go listen to his music!
As far and the song choices, I wouldn't make to much of it. For one, he didn't know you were coming. Also, it seems to me that those lyrics are kind of typical to the genre. Just needed a dog and a pickup truck to be complete!
It's so hard to figure where you stand, or if you stand! My first reaction was to not send an email, since you talked to him, and told him it was great. And I'd stick with that if you were living in the some city. Since you are not, I might send a short email, more or less just saying how much you enjoyed his music, and maybe slipping in you schedule for the next week or so. If he is interested, and unless he is brain dead, he will realize that you are sending a message there. And he can take the bait or not. Either way, you learn a little, without necessarily overpursuing, or getting your expectations too high!
I'd like to hear what Lisa and Kalni have to say, as well!
WOW! It sounds like you were amazing yesterday! Well done on being a SuperHotDBQueenAndMistressOfTheUniverse!!!
So, first- I know Jon McLaughlin. Hurray! And Shakti means strength in Hindi, although I presume it's the title of a track he sings? Anyway, I was so happy to recognise a name
I agree with Jeff about reading into the songs. I don't think the choice of songs was meant to send a message to you (as he didn't know you'd be there), so maybe try not to analyse it. I loved hearin what happened and what the songs were though- I really feel as though I was there with you!
Re. the Asian girl. She sounds like a loser, and we know you're the Queen. Ha to her, and YIPPPEEEEE for super-hot you!!
In terms of following it up/seeing each other again, I would probably go for a brief follow-up e-mail to say that you really enjoyed the concert and that it was great to see him. Maybe throw in a comment about how long you're about in NJ for (subtly) and leave it at that. I know time is short, but there does need to be an element of him coming to you, so throw your line into the stream and wait for him to bite! He will- who could resist the power of the Transformer?!!
Fantastic news T! I'm so happy for you and all the FANTASTIC progress you've made with B over the past couple of weeks. It's so exciting!!!
but then was super rushed getting ready. I decided to go with the yellow halter empire waist dress, NO NECKLACE, black barettes with little white rhinestones, ponytail, aqua sandals, bright red bag, and multicolored striped watch. colorful, but everything was new or only seen last sunday at dinner.