Thanks for linking me here from my thread, Bagheera. You're right; I can see the parallel to my own situation. Here's what I see making it so hard: there's yet another Catch-22 here. Michele talks about "taking your spouse at face value." To me, that means you shouldn't be playing mind games, and in particular, you shouldn't be trying to outfox or outguess your wife--you are to assume that she's being honest and give her what she says she wants.
BUT . . . . on the other hand, she's probably telling you she wants this gentle, safe, cuddly teddy bear cloned from the DNA of Phil Donahue and Leonardo Dicaprio. She's probably not admitting that she wants Gene Simmons--so if you take her at face value, you do more of what's not working, also something Michele warns not to do. You do it with your wife's approval and blessing, but you still don't make anything better.
Your rendering of the inner turmoil of the wife trying to figure out what "are you tired?" means is worth reading the entire thread. I'm sure some version of that has to be going through my wife's head when I say things like that, and I know I do it. On the other hand, that's not the whole story, because I've swung back and forth between manly seduction and "giving her space" several times over the years. Maybe my seduction wasn't very seductive, but it was my best shot, honestly given.
That's what truly frightens me about my marriage. What if I work and work and do the best I can do, and she still doesn't want me? What if I'm just plain not attractive?
