OK I have a question for anyone that is listening. Today I spoke with the wife and she was PISSED off at me for some reason. The last time I spoke to her was on fathers day and all was well, she was telling me about the night they had bowling with the kids and heck we were even laughing. Monday comes around and I call to talk to my son and just making small talk asked how her day was, that was a mistake! When I asked her that she said she couldn't be any f'ing better. So that peaked my curiosity a little and asked if she wanted to talk about it and her reply was is this small talk or what?? All I said was I am sorry that you feel so bad but I am just trying to be friendly and try to help you. She then replied that we already tried that and it didn't work, she was referring to the friends part. I don't know what was bothering her.
So my question is do I talk to her and try to find out what was bothering her or do I leave it alone?
OK I have a question for anyone that is listening. Today I spoke with the wife and she was PISSED off at me for some reason. The last time I spoke to her was on fathers day and all was well, she was telling me about the night they had bowling with the kids and heck we were even laughing. Monday comes around and I call to talk to my son and just making small talk asked how her day was, that was a mistake! When I asked her that she said she couldn't be any f'ing better. So that peaked my curiosity a little and asked if she wanted to talk about it and her reply was is this small talk or what?? All I said was I am sorry that you feel so bad but I am just trying to be friendly and try to help you. She then replied that we already tried that and it didn't work, she was referring to the friends part. I don't know what was bothering her.
So my question is do I talk to her and try to find out what was bothering her or do I leave it alone?
Ted
I believe she is pissed because she invited you to go bowling on Father's day with her and your child (can't remember if Boy or girl)and you declined. She's pissed about that. JMO for what it's worth.
You said you wanted to go but chose to work on homework. She saw that as not very friendly.
You may want to apologize for missing that bowling date the other day..apologize and then leave it alone. Damn man, it was father's day. She saw she messed it up for you, called to try and make amends with you by offering bowling with her and the kids and you turned her down..
YOU did not put HER first. Women don't like that.
Last edited by M from Tennessee; 06/17/0810:49 AM.
So my question is do I talk to her and try to find out what was bothering her or do I leave it alone?
Hmmm...ahem...well, I've been saying this for WEEKS now!
Wait until she switches back to trying to get you in bed--which should be in about 20 minutes,--and ask her, gently, what is going on with the changes?
P.S. She's going to call you to apologize for her behavior. Figure it out now, on paper. Revise (and use us as a sounding board) until you get the sentence/question you want. Then have it sitting by the phone for when she calls. (You've got 19 minutes left lol).
I hadn't thought of that...it's weird because sometimes he has been very forthcoming with her, and she still reverts back to the D papers or rageful it seems. But perhaps in her mind, she saw another "rejection" that we didn't.
That is when I advised him to go dark and not allow her to be mean to him.
Jonzy:
Also when she asked you for dinner and you were contemplating it, then she came back with the D papers again. Perhaps it was because she didn't know you were considering dinner and took your response ("You don't have to do that") as the final answer, and yet another rejection.
But either way, I really think you need to clear the air.
Well hoped you two would show up to smack me around a bit! Was that a 2x4 or was thata lousville slugger?
Mike I do realise that she may feel rejected because I did not go bowling, but I have been sick as hell lately and I told her that I was going to take them out to eat and just hang out andthat I wasn't going to go crazy. And for the homework bit she also knew that I had to have my research paper done and turned in that day. I guess maybe I just need to quit making excuses and just do it. And yes it is true I did not put her first or the kids, I put my needs first and I feel horrible now that I realize that. I have been in a rut lately and need to get my act together.
Bill as far as the detaching goes I am getting on with my life but not forgetting about her. Maybe my understanding here is wrong maybe you could enlighten me a bit. And I sure as heck didn't say no to be spiteful it just feels like I would be intruding on her fun with the kids. I don't know if it was the stress involved with that day because it just isn't the same as we all know. I think that maybe I was just having a big pity party for myself and I really screwed up by feeling that way.
Tink sometimes I wish she would revert back to asking me to bed with her, but she has not And I don't expect her to apologize for anything, I should be theone apologizing which I did.
Now lets get on to the conversatin that we had yesterday. When I was over there to see my son we were just talking a bit. Again she asked me if I wanted to eat whci I did but could not eat a ton because I had a crapload of spaghetti before I went over there. I told her the food was great and thanks and what not. So then we just started talking and I asked how her lawyer meeting was referring to her lawyer for her DUI. Well she responded with "which one" I did not change my behavior when shesaid that just kept talking about her DUI. I asked if she was alright and told her that if she ever needs anything that I would be here for her. Well then she stated that she was waiting for a call back from her other lawyer about us. I avoided the convo about that and told her that I wanted her to be happy and that is all I want right now and she never pursued that conversation anymore.
The conversation then went on about she will probably not be able to go to California in July because she has her court appearance with the DMV about losing her license on the 30th of June, which is the day she is supposed to leave. I said that sucks and if she could maybe get it postponed so that she could go to her seminar. She said she would ask her lawyer about that. The conversation also started about my son going back to Nebraska and then asked if I would be able to go back to Nebraska to bring him back. I told her there is now way I can miss work because I have no vacation left and I could not afford it financially. I kiddingly asked her if I did would she pay my rent, and she said that she would cover the week I miss. Well I laughed and said that I was kidding and did not want her to do that. She then dropped off the deep end and became furious that she was not doing it out of the kindness of her heart that she was just wanting me to go back and see my mother and bring my S back.
From that point on I told her that I would try to figure something out to get my son back so I would not have to miss much work and she just replied to not f'ing worry about it, and that she was not doing a f'ing thing for me. So I then told her that I had to go to work and would let her know what I could do. So this is where we are at now.
It sounds like to me that she is judging every thing you do under a microscope to decide whether she is filing for divorce or not.
I think most of them we can figure out but some are subtle and didn't occur to us.
If you accept dinner, it's good; if you don't complain about anything she's doing wrong (cell phone, staying out all night, etc) it's good; if you go out of your way to help out, good.
When you stray from this, she says to herself OK forget it; this proves nothing has changed and so I should file for divorce.
And I don't expect her to apologize for anything, I should be theone apologizing which I did.