H & I, both 32, together since 18. *M 7/03, A since 9/06. Bomb 7/07, H ended it w/ OW 9/08 * Agreed to D 6/09...very hard *D 8/10 * At peace, have become great friends w/ X-H and his new GF
As you can see by my post yesterday, I was a questioning my optimism. But, I'm doing ok today. I wrote H an e-mail last night thanking him for my birthday gift and talked alittle about expressing my feelings. I'm at work now, but will post it later.
I'm now questioning whether I should have sent it, I hope it wasn't too pursuer like. But I told myself what my mom told me, "H has done so many mis-steps, it is ok if I do them every once in a while." So, I'll leave it at that.
I've decided to go dim this week. No contact out to H first (right?), besides a reminder on Friday that I'm going away for the weekend. (Did I tell you all I'm going to Miami?!)
I'm going to try and read a little, catch up on work, and do some yoga.
While I think our conversation on Thursday was good, I didn't like the sense of "separation being permanent" in our talks. Granted, I added to that. Maybe I shouldn't talk about the future in terms of us being separated, but together? It's difficult b/c I don't want to be presumptious that we'll stay together in "future" talks.
Ugh. Have I mentioned lately that I hate this?
H & I, both 32, together since 18. *M 7/03, A since 9/06. Bomb 7/07, H ended it w/ OW 9/08 * Agreed to D 6/09...very hard *D 8/10 * At peace, have become great friends w/ X-H and his new GF
Going dim sounds like a good idea. Is there a reason you need to remind him that you are going away? If he already know I do not see why he needs to be reminded.
Maybe if you dont remind him that would be a 180 for you and make him think "wow" I can't believe she didn't tell me...this shows that you are GALing..
No, really, I don't need to tell him again. I told him already on Thursday. He had asked if he needed to do anything and I said no, to just maybe check on the bunny (We have a bunny, but I'll leave her enough food to last the days I'm gone.) You are right, I should just leave w/o saying anything again.
Just stopping in. Sounds like you were busy today. I can't wait to see the e-mail (good tips therein for me, I'm hoping!) I love that you're going to Miami this weekend- so exciting. I bet good weather as well. I'm jealous!
In relation to the future talk stuff, I usually avoid referring to anything in the future, but if I have to usually drop in a 'we' so H knows I don't consider this to be over. One of the things I read from an RCR post was that the MLC WAS needs reassurance that you're there for them, so that's been a way I've tried to do that. If you haven't with H, maybe it's worth a go. Definitely can't hurt, and it sounds like it'd be a bit of a 180 too.....
I also like the 180 on not reminding him you're going away. If he wants you he can always text or call can't he?
Father's Day is usually a time for me to be reflective and today is no different. I got your dad some BBQ spices. I hope he likes them.
I wanted to send you a quick note and thank you for the wonderful birthday dinner and concert. You know my favorite gifts are doing, rather than having and it was extra special having you there. I do wonder what you're making me?
Also, I wanted to thank you for comforting me while I was upset. I'm really not used to crying for myself and without repeating myself and getting into it more than I did on Thursday, I think you know how big it was for me to show you my feelings. Even though it wasn't the most ideal location or way for me to say those things, I didn't care and just allowed it. I'n not good at confessing my weaknesses nor acknowledging to anyone that I'm not so strong and I'm horrible at expressing my anger. As you know, I tend to ignore those feelings. Thankfully, I'm slowly learning to not ignore them anymore.
I'm proud of myself for just expressing myself and for not holding back in concern of how you would interpret it. I'm proud of myself for acknowledging my feelings and allowing myself to cry for myself. But, what I want to say to you, is that you also allowed me to be that way by your reaction, even if you weren't conscious of it. You allowed me to express myself. You accepted it completely, didn't hold it against me, and for the rest of the night continued to treat me like Beth and didn't let it affect our fun for the rest of the night. You allowed me to be a wreck for a few minutes and allowed me to embrace my own feelings. You talked me through it and I learned alot about you, not only by what you said but by your simple actions. And Wow. I totally totally just needed that and didn't even know it. Thank you H.
If you want to share anything with me, I honestly welcome it, no matter what it is. But, you don't need to respond to this e-mail, I just wanted to express my feelings to you.
Thanks again,
Beth
H & I, both 32, together since 18. *M 7/03, A since 9/06. Bomb 7/07, H ended it w/ OW 9/08 * Agreed to D 6/09...very hard *D 8/10 * At peace, have become great friends w/ X-H and his new GF
I hate that H hasn't reached out to me. I feel like I've pushed him away.
H & I, both 32, together since 18. *M 7/03, A since 9/06. Bomb 7/07, H ended it w/ OW 9/08 * Agreed to D 6/09...very hard *D 8/10 * At peace, have become great friends w/ X-H and his new GF
It's way past my bedtime, but I wanted to say that I don't think you should worry- you've just implemented a pretty big 180. As MWD says, give it time to work- H might need some time to process what you've said before he responds.....
I think the e-mail isn't bad at all. I like it- it's very complimentary to him, states your feelings simply and without pressure and also is a bit flirty and jokey. Perfect.
Now just wait and see. It might take a while but I'm sure he'll be processing and thinking!!
More tomorrow. I have to go to bed or I won't be able to get to work on time tomorrow!!
L-I totally like your train of thought on "future" talk and dropping in "we" if it comes up. I realize now that I guess I was purposely bringing up the future to try and elicit some sort of reaction from him or gauge what he thought. I won't do that anymore, especially since it is obvious he is confused.
H & I, both 32, together since 18. *M 7/03, A since 9/06. Bomb 7/07, H ended it w/ OW 9/08 * Agreed to D 6/09...very hard *D 8/10 * At peace, have become great friends w/ X-H and his new GF
I think the email was totally fine! You were doing a huge 180 by opening up about your feelings and also, the way you said everything was totally non-pressuring and as OD pointed out, very complimentary.
I am really excited about your trip to miami, what are you doing there??? it will be sooo warm and lovely!
I know you are frustrated with H flaking about getting your dad a father's day gift. But to me it seems to be just part of the pattern of larger confusion. Which sucks, but a confused WA is better than a determined WA, at least in my mind.
