Afterwards M and I just sat for a little while and talked and laughed together about seeing each other again later in the week. Asian Girl went up to talk to B when he came off the stage, and then he started breaking down his stuff for the next act to play. I waited for a couple people to congratulate him and then tapped him on the back and gave him a friendly hug. His hugging back was a smidge stronger and more affectionate than it was on Sunday.
I was super enthusiastic and told him how much I loved what he did, how hard he rocked, how he sounded like he had grown up in a little appalachian village, how I liked his improvisations, etc etc. It was all totally honest and from my heart. He was really open and receptive, I felt like we connected. I told him his voice was so strong, and his face lit up and he was like, "really? I was so worried about that!" and I was like, no, no, no you were great. (he was great). I also told him I liked his banter between songs, and he said he really appreciated my laughter (I have this huge laugh that is very distinctive) and I lightheartedly said, "then next time I'll laugh more!" Then M came over and asked him tons of really good questions. B explained that all the bluegrass-appalachian songs he had learned at a workshop that "melissa" had told him about (maybe the asian girl? I have NFC who 'melissa' is). we talked some more, M asked more questions. then I was like, "Ok, congratulations, take care, have fun!" and we took off.
On the way out I made a point to greet his friend P, who was the only person other than the cellist in his quartet that I recongized. P gave B his new bicycle and makes him mix CDs, and I met P last summer when things were really sucky with me and B. So I was like, "hey, it's great to see you, how are you doing?" and he said, "I'm sorry, I don't remember your name" and I just reintroduced myself and my friend. I remembered his name. But... WTF? Did he not know who I was? B was with me for five years, has he not talked about me to his friends since the bombs? or did P seriously not recongize me (hot 180s)?
As soon as we got out of the club M announced she was taking me to a cupcake place. We talked about how confusing the lyrics were and how confusing the asian girl was. M told me I was extroardinarily calm during the concert. And she told me that my freedom is an invitation to others to also express their freedom. I was surprised that I seemed calm but I really believe that she was telling me the truth.
She also told me that the asian girl seemed not so bright, kind of passive, and had bad shoes and a bad outfit on. She said she didn't see any chemistry, connection, touching, spark between B and asian girl at all.
At the cupcake place she told me to order as many cupcakes as we wanted so we got five (!!!) and then her man came and picked us up and we talked a lil bit more... it was really amaazing because out of all my friends I think M really sees and understands and supports my changes.
and my brooklyn friend was home and we talked about it too.
So that is what happened. It was so much harder than dinner! I feel like I just ran a marthon!
I am not sure what's next. On wed he leaves for 6 weeks on long island... I can get there from NYC on public transport but it is a lot harder to casually meet up since it is such a schlepp. It would make sense logistically to try to see each other tomorrow or something as we are both in the same city but emotionally I would expect him to need a couple days or months in his cave before our next possible meeting. It might be possible for me to come through NYC in late July or early August and see him then.
So, I think I did an awesome job being enthusiastic, friendly, supportive, positive, happy, and calm. I am slightly more confused than I was before, but nothing bad happened, I didn't walk in on him and an OP f*&*ing in the bathroom, B didn't tell me he hated me, you know, it was OK.
Should I send him a congratulatory email, or wait to hear from him? he didn't answer the last email yet. But I also noticed that both of us will sometimes wait 2 or 3 contacts before responding to the other.
if you read this... I feel so lucky. thank you everyone. I could feel you were with me, I even listened for the little greek voice in my ear
