So, during the concert I mostly had my eyes closed or looked at B. It was actually WAY harder than having dinner with him, because when we had dinner together I could just focus on having a conversation, and my mind could only wander for a few seconds at a time. This was like 90 minutes of just watching and wondering. By the way, he looked WAY hotter. He had this hot kind of country looking white shirt on with subtle blue and red plaid (he made a joke about it matching the sparkly red streamers that adorned the back of the stage) and long pants and nice black shoes... none of the old man look. also, the beard looked much better on stage than up close :0
When I was listening, I was very absorbed in the music, as if I were at any other normal event, smiling when things delighted me, scrunching my face up at the good parts, doing a little dance in my chair when I got excited. It was so intense watching him that I had my eyes closed most of the time. When I had my eyes open, he barely looked at me, I think we made eye contact once. I was surprsied that he invited me b/c if it was me, I would be so nervous about singing with my instrument in a public performance for the first time, and presenting this very ambitious program of all these new non-classical styles, that I wouldn't want someone there who would make me so nervous.
I asked M if she thought the asian girl was the OW and she said it looked suspicious but we had no confirmation. M asked me what I thought their vibe was and I said my vibes were so jacked up I couldn't pick up anyone else's vibes, and I felt completely crazy.
During the songs with lyrics, I really tried to focus on my breathing, and on grounding my energy. but those were the hardest for me, so hard.
When I did look at the asian girl, she seemed to be passively listening, not too excited. But she was in charge of passing around the tip jar... B announced from the stage that people could leave tips if they wanted, and then she held up a bucket and said "this is for his food money" and then held up a handcarved wooden beer stein that B's brother gave him a couple years ago and said "this is for his drink money" and everyone laughed halfheartedly. ???? During "don't think twice", asian girl smiled to herself and twirled her foot around. I don't think she knew who I was, because she didn't seem to check me out at all during the evening.
During this song I started to feel extremely panicky. M had left to take a phone call from her BF who was giving her a ride and needed to coodinate pickup times. After the song I asked the cellist to watch my bag while I pretended to go to the bathroom but really just walked outside to look for M and try to calm myself down.
when M came back in, I told her I thought we shouldn't stick around because I was kind of freaking out and I didn't think I could "fake it".
B played one more awesome improvisation, it was variations on "turkey in the straw" but with really crazy indian-style ornamentation, like john mclaughlin on "shakti" (anyone?? )
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