Number 8, still too late for DB to work.

[cw68]

H and I had a good discussion tonight; he was here watching the kids while I was at ethics training as required by the City for which I am a public official. Man I wish they had marriage and parenting ethics training... I digress.

Anyway, we were talking about a few logistics, housing, etc. and I felt very comfortable sharing a lot of my concerns and worries about how we do this whole divorce thing. You know, splitting bills, deciding what's important, how to deal with dates and sleepovers of ours, etc. A few times he just said, "We'll just have to deal with these things as they come up, take things day by day." and I disagreed telling him that a lot of things we are going to have to address before they come up to avoid the emotions of the moment. I was crying, but not beating him up or anything, and it got very real. He came over and hugged me to comfort me at one point, which I really appreciated. About ten minutes later we were both crying, hugging each other and he said, "Don't worry, everything will work out OK." I replied, "I wish I believed that." Him: "Me, too."

It was really good. I was able to tell him a lot of my fears, most of which are rational and irrational at the same time. We talked about a number of situations that could arise to rock the boat, a boat which we may thing we've worked out. It was a lot of cold calculations that are part of the whole divorce thing. I told him I was so concerned about money and he said not to worry, that we'll work it out, that he was committed to doing that for me and the kids. In reply I said, "I just don't know how that's going to happen. One year ago you were more committed to me than you'll ever be again and we haven't been able to work anything out." The whole talk went well. Honest, open and not judgmental. More importantly, I was able to really unload a few things that have been bothering me and even told him that what I mentioned was only a portion of what I'm worried about.

He left crying. We were both sad. D7 lost a tooth today and I asked if he wanted to put the tooth fairy money under her pillow. It was very sad to me.

I am better than I was yesterday morning. Once he left, I only cried for a bit and I'm not crushed by the impending implosion of our family. Just worried and sad.