You've been asking about your STBXB's family and their morality.
My answer: They are a moral cesspool -- plain and simple. The way of the world is darkness, death and destruction. No light dwells in their family. They are accursed. I'm not joking. There is such a thing as generational sin and broken-ness passed down in families. It's hard to break. They have to work hard at being decent. Doing the wrong thing comes natural to them.
You lament the loss of your daughter.
My response: What does your lawyer say about limiting your daughter's access to OW now and to limiting your husband's access after the divorce? You should move to my state, you would tak him to the cleaners and he'd get your daughter every other weekend. My guess if your STBXH and the slutty OW and his immoral in-laws are who you say they are, they SHOULD'NT get access to your daughter so easily. You seem resigned to that in a way that surprises me. Is it inevitable that you split time with daughter 50/50? Isn't their a better lawyer than that in your fair city?
Hi Theo! Great to hear from you Hope things are going ok with you.
Originally Posted By: theoden
What does your lawyer say about limiting your daughter's access to OW now
I will admit that I messed up and didn't listen to my attorney regarding putting something in the temp order 6 months ago regarding no contact w/romantic partners... Lesson learned.. Unfortunately, nothing I can do about it for now.
Originally Posted By: theoden
..and to limiting your husband's access after the divorce?
Since stbx has been a very involved Dad and is still active in D4's life, primary custody is probably out of the question. However, I do have a plan.. We'll see what the court decides if I don't get agreement before then...
In the meantime, I'm getting VERY frustrated about our financial situation since it is such a horrible time to try to sell real estate!
Saw Sex in the City last night with two girlfriends.. I think it gave me nightmares! Seriously, good chick movie. I laughed when a friend walked in with her husband.. poor guy..
You are so cute. I love how you support morality. Unfortunately, the courts don't see things this way.
Sadly, I think the LBS only has so much control. More money and a better lawyer helps. But exposure to OP is inevitable. It's going to happen sooner or later. And trying to control this often makes the spouse angrier and the whole D get's uglier.
On the other hand, trying to manipulate the situation to get more custody may be helpful. For example, explaining to the WAS that you want to help them focus on their relationship with the OP, make sure they get plenty of romantic alone time, etc.... (gag me!!! presenting it like you are doing them a huge favor by taking over most of the custody). You can even present it as temporary... like once they get settled or remarried you can change custody arrangements (Don't put this in writing anywhere... just an offhanded VERBAL suggestion, a maybe.... you have to appear generous!). Of course, once a good custody settlement is approved by the court you stick with it. They come back a year later wanting to change things... well, too bad bud!!!
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
You are right, ROOT, when I really try to control everything (more even than the courts say I have the right to at this point), stbx gets super angry. I guess the best strategy is to pick your battles. I also don't think that he would even slightly believe that I give crap about his R w/ow. I've already told him too many times what I think of her and her "win at all cost", zero morals behavior!
I think you are better off telling him how great OW is, how much happier she's going to make him and how thrilled you are that he has found someone to make him happy and you know you will find the same.... That there is someone else out there better for you who is going to make you happy.... And just tell him "Life is great!" and be VERY HAPPY.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Glad to hear that you're not affected by the floods. Parts of the interstate in WI is shut down. A friend & her H took their 4 kids (all under 5) to her parent's place for the weekend. What should have been a 4 hr. drive was 7 hrs. on the way there and 8 on the way back. Ouch. Some shut down of bridges between IA & IL too. Crazy!
Hang in there! I feel like I'm in a bit of a similar situation as you but I'm not as far along with it. H taking D4 to see OW. I hate the thought of her spending a weekend with her but I know that I'm her only mom!.....and a darn good one too...as are you!
Take care-
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
Hope things are going ok with you.