The topic of dominance & submission, both inside and especially outside of the bedroom is a very, very touchy one, and for good reason: abuse must be a constant concern and avoided without exception.
Well, yeah, and I may err on the side of caution. I don't know. There's no bright line, and I admit, I've always had a fear of being seen as a bully. I'm a very big guy, and I've always enjoyed rough combat sports, but that's what I like about them. Everyone who steps on a mat or into a ring knows what's up. Everyone knows the rules and the limits. The other guy may choke you, or crank an armbar, but that's OK, because that's the game. There's no bullying or actual malice going on, at least at my level. Everyone understands your actions clearly in context. I want to be that "gentle giant" not the big bully.
When it comes to men dominating women or vice versa, the lines and limits won't hold still long enough for me to learn the rules. I enjoy ravishing my wife as much as the next guy, but I'm terrified that I'm going to cross a line and make things worse. And it's obvious that she's trying to lead me to her fantasy, but she just keeps asking about mine. I want to say, "Look, I told you about my fantasies. If you want to act out your fantasy, tell me what it is. I won't say no." She just puts it back on me.
Anyway, thank you both. It's after ten and I just got home from obedience school. I've got Bagheera's thread open in another window for the morning, but I'm going to go upstairs and see if she's awake.
I told her before I left that I wanted to finish our conversation about the SSM book, but she should just tell me when she's ready. Michele says in the book that this takes pressure off her, so we'll see if that helps. The last time I did something no-pressure like that, though, it ended in her doing nothing and refusing to read the piece I'd printed out. (It was Julia Grey's Salon blog about her low-desire problems and fixing her marriage.
