infidelity

[hoosiermama]

You are my new best friend!! Thanks for the ideas, they got me thinking about some other ideas as well.

I've noticed recently that men seem to go ga-ga for high-maintenance women. I never noticed that before (not very observant, I guess!) and I've always tried to be as low-maintenance as possible. Must have been how I raised myself; also I was single for a long time and without family connections since 22, so I just learned to fend for myself. Initially this was quite a conundrum for me--why would guys like self-centered women? Then it dawned on me--because they exude postive self-esteem, they demand to be treated well so they are, and all of that is attractive. Not to mention the good hair, nice clothes, mani- and pedicures, expert make-up--those are attractive too. Women like me, who are too busy taking care of everyone else to do much for themselves, become invisible; we may be loved for what we do, but not for who we are. I probably would've made a good nun. I have a little note hanging on my computer, can't remember who said it--"the spirit we bring, not the work we do, makes us important to others." It's been hanging there for 6 years, and I finally get it.

Shortly before all of this transpired (which seems like years ago but was really only a couple of months) I began learning Healing Touch. It's an amazing thing, fits well with my ministry. I think that one of the things I will do for myself is find a friend who does HT and ask to receive it.

My H has always been good at taking care of himself--not only is he a guy, but the youngest son in an Italian family, so he's entitled to it, by God. He's so good at it that I often haven't had time for myself because I'm forever picking up the slack. The funny thing is that I don't experience him as a spiritual person lately. It's all an intellectual exercise for him, a set of techniques or theories--and with the OW, right now he'd probably worship a golden calf if it would get him closer to her. So I don't think it's necessarily that he's open to other spirituality, but more that he's running as fast as he can away from Catholicism, away from me, away from whatever doesn't make him feel he's special and unique and wonderful. And marriage sometimes feels like life's not blowing you kisses, because it's hard work. I think that MLC is just a narcissistic personality with the brakes off.