h4us- You don't need to apologize. You were giving advice from your heart and what you know from your sitch, and that is why I am here....looking for people's thoughts based upon what they know. My situation IS different in that H and I both knew of problems for a LONG time before the A. I appreciate your thoughts on the truth never being a mistake. I agree to disagree on that one....
bluerain- Disconnecting with OM, and reconnecting with H...YES! Reconnecting emotionally and intimately is my goal. I also agree about the validation that I need to get within myself. I'm going to do some research on that a little bit.
running- You understand me well. The statement "you will always find someone who you can feel more chemistry"....I never thought of it that way. THis helps me. Also, my son does not adapt to change well. My H and I would not be the stereotypical divorced couple no matter what....we are really good friends and always do whatever is best for S. We know that being in conflict is bad and have sheltered him pretty well with this. But, bottom line, divorce is not good on the kids. I want to avoid this if I can.
Update: I've been reading my books again and am realizing that what I am feeling is normal after an A. I need to have the No contact and not look back. It talked about having a time frame of 6 months to one year of working hard at it, but it also talked about if I go into this with the "well, I hope this works out, but I don't knowwwww....." it will most definitely not work out. SO, I need a new mindset. H and I have to beat this intimacy problem and it may just be because I have this emotional connection to OM still and know that if I give to H, that the OM will more than likely never be my Plan B again...it will mean that is done for good. I'm trying to figure out the "whys". I must still be ambivalent about working on my marriage. I have to not be this way, and give it my all, and if in the end it doesn't work out I deal with that chapter. OM is separate from working on my M. I have to do the work first, then deal with the results. I have to be ok with losing OM. This is hard. There is grief. But, again. I am a smart enough gal. and read enough books to know that it is the chemicals in my head and the "in love" stage. This may be a mistake, but it is a mistake I have to make or I will always wonder if I had tried enough with my H.
"Broke up" with OM every day since I posted, but would end up talking in some way. Today, told him point blank that I need to try to fix my marriage and so his response was "then fix your marriage and leave me the f alone". Then, he hung up. SO, my guess is he'll stop contact now. It's a good thing he is not being "understanding" and "waiting for me" because if he was I don't know how strong I would be.
