Hi everyone...... my computer was not working and then I got too busy to post.
I would start and then I would get sidetracked etc etc etc.

Anyway... things are much better. I wish my computer wouldnt have broken down so I could have kept up but anyway I will try to catch up and post more often as soon as I can.

Things are much better in our bedroom.... and out too!
I actaully have never been more content. ( Hubby too)
I am still peeling the layers though... like an onion full of different layers I am going to keep going.

Someone wise told me to slow down and take note of what my H was "saying " to me. I have slowed down and actually he says a lot w/o really saying a word.
And the calmer I have been the more he has opened up. He is initiating more often and not holding himself back as much.

We still are not back to once a day .. But I almost think the once a day was a test for me to see if I loved him enough... hard to explain the dynamics but I hope you all understand.

I try to always keep my hands on him when we are laying next to one another... and I have put him to sleep more than a few times with Massaging him..... I have come to a place within myself that allows myself to fully give to him from a good place in my heart.
I am trying not to hide who I am so actively anymore. I am humbly giving everything I am as much as I can as his Wife. Placing him first in my life and putting his needs above my own... and the scariest part is I used to think this would lead him to be a self serving *jerk* even more... and it has actually had the opposite effect.

I am trying really hard to be humble and change and also love myself enough to keep the best parts of me.

I was trying to erase my emotions....
..... but that makes me the beautiful Woman that I am!!!!
...... and so I need to keep my emotions in check in regard to my RE ~action to hubbys actions ...
....but I should not be NUMB either!

I am strange;y aware of the power I have over my H , how my words affect him.How he needs me and wants me too, how he is affected by what I do or dont do to him. Power is a strong word but zi have the courage now to know that is what it is Power and If I use it wisely it makes for a very Happy Husband.
How my body makes him feel. How he can make me feel too~
I am aware that desire is not always a part of my day but I can help it by being loving with him and doing things that will make me feel desire.

I have found that if I choose to Massage him. I get very h*rny. If he is quiet and he lets me touch him and isnt instructing me like he used to with every touch and every move.

I have also read three more books in the process that have helped me tremendously. The four agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz and The Mastery of love by him also. They are very spiritual in Nature and have great atsuff in there. It has helped me transcend what I have already worked so hard on.

I feel sad at times that my sexual desire is not what it was 10 years ago and I am trying to find solutions .. like vitamins etc etc etc .
Anyone have any ideas I would love to hear them.
PLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEAAAASSSSSSE~!
I thought 30s were supposedely the prime sexual years???
I am not dried up or anything I am 37 years old I just feel like my desire is abnotmally low for my relatively young age.
I am also very tired lately I am quite sure I am Anemic again.
Anyway I hope you all have a great week and I look forward to reading and catching up.
Take care and God bless~
Ali