Just coming off a strange weekend. Took friday off to catch up. Both kids had plans for the day and I had the day to get stuff done ....and have some time to myself. H tm'd me early in the morning. I did not see him at all...I didn't expect to.
On saturday d13 had a softball tourny. H couldn't make it do to work. D13 really wanted him to come on sunday to see her play but he told her he had to work. She tm'd him for a while practically begging him to come, but he only kept telling her he probably had to work...and apologizing to me for having to work but he needed the money.
We woke up sunday morning to find H sleeping in his car in the driveway. It totally startled us. We were headed over to d13's friend's house as her mom was taking her to the game because I had something to do with s16. It was only one game and d13 was happy to go with friends.
When I got back from dropping her off H had left. I tm'd him "Happy Father's Day." He tm'd me back that he would be spending it alone. I guess he didn't have to work after all.
D13 came home and slept for a while. I kept telling her she should tm her dad or call him and maybe they could do something, but she was upset with him and made a point to tell me.
S16 and I spent some time by the pool on father's day reminiscing about happy times when we would have a yard full of cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents over for bar-b-ques. S16 was really so sad thinking that he will never have that again.
I truly think that his anger towards his father will only subside if H returns to the man that s16 respected. If he returns and makes things right with our family. Unless that happens, I highly doubt their relationship will repair anytime soon and I fear that d13 is right behind him in this feeling.
Anyway, H called me this morning asking if the kids got off to camp ok. S16 is lifeguarding and d13 is a counselor in training. We made small talk and I asked how work was for him...and he told me he didn't work. He hid. From the sounds of it...he probably hid with his MOW. Whatever.
We talked for a bit. He once again talking about the broken R with s16. How hurt he is. I guess he doesn't understand how hurt the kids and I are.
H complains he is making no money. THat business is bad at the restaurant. That he needs to sell the house. Well, I am sorry, but these are the consequences of the choices he made.
Right now, I am so focused on my kids. My H is keeping his distance and seems to have withdrawn into his world. It's too bad. He is certainly missing two wonderful children growing into young adults.....both of whom don't deserve the crap that has been thrown at them by their father.
I guess I am frustrated. I am trying to still be patient, but I realize now that my H is a lost cause. He will never do the work that is needed to heal our family and help our children. It is easier for him to erase the past and start fresh...no matter who gets hurt.
Snodderly, I have been reading about depression and you are right. I even think he is bi-polar from what I read. I also think that he is so far stuck in this, that he will never help himself find a way out. It is too hard.
Thanks for letting me vent. Snodderly, if you are out there, thank you for all of your time. You must be so tired of me.....and my overanalizing. I am trying to do better. My kids deserve that.
