A part of me hesitates to post about this... And I have posted about it in the past and have had the veracity of my posts questioned and in some cases mocked.
But allowing that to intimidate me from posting to get where I need to go would be ridiculously thin-skinned at my end and giving more value to those that seek to diminish that which is important to me than is warranted...
I guess the first step is to replace The with My - I need to not distance this issue.
My appearance has caused issues throughout my career. Or perhaps it is the people that caused issues and I have attributed that behavior to my appearance.
There is a segment of the population that seems to characterize my appearance as falling into the definition of attractive. And there are times when men that belong to that segment react to my appearance.
My appearance has caused issues with women "friends." Sometimes some women that are not secure with their own appearance feel not so secure around me. And I use quotations b/c my real women friends are not threatened by the way I look.
When I was at The Resort. There were two occassions where two different women that I was hanging out with were visibly annoyed at the male attention I was getting. I posted about it at the time distancing this issue from me by attributing the fact that I was surrounded by men to the magical wheelchair. And I react to women acting that way by "diminishing" myself in other ways to make myself "less attractive" so they feel more attractive. I don't want to do that anymore. Ironically another woman wants to go to the Resort with me b/c I am the bait and she likes that I diminish myself - she is more aggresive. So my discomfort had lead to attracting not so great people into my life that want to leverage my weakness to their advantage.
I don't know and can't quantify what part of male reaction to me is appearance and what part is personality. Since my D, at least 5 men that I have talked to on the phone and have never met in person or that have never seen a picture of me have decided they are attracted to me and wanted to actually to sleep with me or an R.
People, sometimes total strangers, men and/or women do come up to me and compliment me on my appearance - happens maybe 2-3 times a year.
There have been occasions where men from work are really are taken aback when they meet me b/c my appearance surprises them.
I had to establish my Remington Steele law firm so my appearance was invisible and all that I put out there was my brain - to be taken seriously...
I am secure with how I look - in that I have never really analyzed what I look like. I am too busy most of the time to really care. Or perhaps I am not - why else am I posting about this...
I consider my appearance to be a gift from my parents. I take neither credit nor responsibility for it. I take responsibility for my professional achievements b/c I actually have a hand in it. My appearance - well it is just there.
I am posting random thoughts b/c part of why I don't like putting myself out there is b/c it involves facing how I look. And while I am secure with myself - I am not always very comfortable with people's reaction to it.
A part of me really thought maybe hoped this would be a non-issue as I aged...
Most of my male friends sense this and know that my appearance is off limits - in even complimenting me on a casual platonic level.
I have no desire to be ugly. I want to be able to be comfortable being me w/o worrying about how people will react to me.
It is the truth - it is reality from my perspective. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder - different minds will have a different take on this whole appearance mess.
