Thanks Tink and Rusty. My performance went very well, and my son did come to the show. H did not make it. Not a big surprise, but a disappointment nonetheless.
Son was very sweet and told me how happy I looked and how happy that made him, to know that I had that group of people to be with and sing. That was nice.
Tink, I asked H and S to come to the concert, mostly cause it's just family that does come. My daughter is out of town this year, so she couldn't come. And I've gone to plenty of their performances over the years. My H does poetry readings and my kids were in choir, ballet, and sports, so I felt like they could support me in this.
To be honest, H sounded like he truly wanted to come. He was in NY city for business and wasn't sure if he'd have time to get to the concert after work.
Oh well. I had a great time, and my son loved the performance, and I feel pretty good about things myself.
Best i can do for now.
Married: 25 years Separated: 5 years Kids: 2, ages 21 and 24 Me: 53 H: 50
To be honest, H sounded like he truly wanted to come. He was in NY city for business and wasn't sure if he'd have time to get to the concert after work.
Hi, I'm sure he did truly want to come. But the point is, are you here because you are trying to change the relationship after five years of the same?
Yes, I am, Tink. So I'm guessing that you mean I shouldn't have asked my H to come to the concert? You're probably right. I thought it might be a good opportunity for him to see me at my best, happy and shiny, ya know?
So, how do I change things up?
Married: 25 years Separated: 5 years Kids: 2, ages 21 and 24 Me: 53 H: 50
In order to change things up, you need to shake things up. One is you can't be a puppy dog. A puppy dog is nice and easy going and always available and asks the person to be with them and when the person can't, the puppy dog is disappointed but "OK" with that too.
To shake things up you do a makeover. I know you did one already a few years ago, but you need to get sexier and just different than however you are now so it's boom! an obvious change in his face.
Go to one of the stores where a young saleslady who knows what is in style can help you buy some hot items that would look hot on you and someone your age.
Show a little more skin than you usually do; maybe a v or boat neck, or bare back or sleeveless. Wear different fabrics, maybe a silky blouse or satiny camisoles. Different colors that flatter your skin tone more and make you "pop."
Go to a makeup counter and get a free makeover, watch how they apply it and buy the makeup.
Change your hair color or high light it. If it's long, cut it to a sexy shag. If it's short, grow it out.
Do not ever ever call him and when he calls you, don't pick up and get back to him a day later (unless it's urgent about your kids of course).
When you see him when he's picking up your son, always look amazing and be running out the door. When he asks where you're going, say, I'm just going to meet someone for something or something else equally vague.
Let him in the door of course and after a few weeks of this, have a vase of flowers sitting there so when he comes in and you're running out he's sees them.
Wear a perfume you like, if there was one you wore that he loved when you were first dating, all the better. Leave some lingering in the air just before he arrives (and you leave).
Don't ask him to do anything for you or be anywhere for you. When your next concert comes up don't mention it at all unless you can find a way to bring it up in context of why your kids can't see him that night.
Thank you Tink. That is all great advice. I actually do a lot of that currently. And have done that in the past as well.
But I will, again, not contact him but allow him to contact me, and when he does, I will not be available to him.
I truly do not contact him much at all these days. Emailing him about this concert was actually "doing something different" from what I have been doing.
But I agree, being agreeable all the time isn't working.
Married: 25 years Separated: 5 years Kids: 2, ages 21 and 24 Me: 53 H: 50
I agree with Tink - and I have done alot of that myself but I think I am going to step it up a notch - basically go almost completely dark except for kid stuff. And even if the "makeover" stuff does nothing for H, it will do something for you. I have the perfect excuse with the wedding coming up. Any chance you can get away for a long weekend somewhere as a retreat? I'm trying to fit that in this summer - have my 30th HS reunion I'm trying to get to as well. Maybe a mystery trip, that he accidentally finds out about..... Just a thought - not really a game - a needed retreat but he doesn't need to know specifics!
Me-48 H-48 Married 25years Sep 12/05 S-24, S-22, S-18, D-12 Dated for 9 months of S, not dating now http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1565826
Heya Tink! I'm doing okay. Had a nice weekend and saw my son on Sunday. He came over for dinner (he usually does) and we had some nice conversations.
I feel pretty good about things.
I did send my husband an ecard for father's day, just a funny one about something funny he told me last week, and he replied saying that it really brightened his day.
Nice to hear. Not putting any stock in it other than he replied as a friend would reply to another friend, but I was glad to have sent it.
Planning my summer vacation and doing lots of things with friends on the weekends, which helps take the focus off of him and what he is doing. Yay.
Bought some new perfume...now if I could just get close enough to him to have him smell it. Caleche by Hermes. Ooooh la la!!!
Married: 25 years Separated: 5 years Kids: 2, ages 21 and 24 Me: 53 H: 50
Oooh la la! Good for you! So be absent when he comes over but have the scent lingering in the air... lol Do this a few times and let him simmer as he misses having seen you because he just happened to "miss" you every time!
Eventually he sees you and really somehow misses you because he hasn't seen you...and of course you're wearing that fragrance he's been smelling in your absence.
