I think what I'm doing is waiting for the sleeping elsewhere to stop before I move forward. You're both saying to move forward in spite of it.
Hi CL,
There is a danger that the situation of W occasionally "sleeping elsewhere" and you waiting for her to change could be accepted as the norm, and your inactivity could be be taken as a signal to her that this behaviour is ok and doesn't offend you. So on this point I think the onus is on you to change, do something different. I mean you come across as a sensitive, caring guy, you read books, you write poetry, you have many qualities a woman would like, but a woman also likes romance, excitement, mystery maybe a little danger and it could be that when W "sleeps elsewhere" she is finding these things. What can you offer W along these lines to complement your good qualities. Lighten up maybe, analyse things less, possibly be a bit more spontaneous.
This may sound a bit harsh but maybe W finds you a bit boring. I say this cos she says she doesn't want a party pooper in Hawaii, and she questioning your ability to withstand a 9 hour flight, Come on, people do it all the time, but yet she has some doubts about you. The thing you have in your favour is she's asked you to go (and wants you to go) so get with the program, get excited, join in with the planning, have fun. act like you really want to go.
The watching movies with W is a good start and you say you could maybe treat it as a date, hold hands , light kissing etc, but how will W know you want to make this a date unless you let her know, again I think the onus is on you to make things happen. If you're not sure how to ask, send her and email, or even just turn up like you said in your previous post, but don't post here about it, just do it and come back and tell us.
Moving back into the bedroom together is another move which will be down to you. You've described how it could be done, sleeping together intermittently is how you described it, it may be the case that you just need to get on with it. I mean you can get playful with W, joke about it, tell her "you're coming to get her", slap her butt anything like that. Google the word flirtation and read up on the importance a women place on it, maybe a little bit of flirtation may get things going. If she rejects you or anything like that, you've at least signalled your intentions. At the moment W may be thinking that you are more interested in reading books and writing poetry than making a pass at her.
You said the time is not right to ML with W and you maybe a long way off that, that may be the case, but maybe ML is something W wants and wants from you. I mean if she's discussing your sex life with someone, it could be that she wants one.
Finally, on the PT job and you contributing more to the household budget, I'm with you on this one, stick to your guns and stay tough with finances.
