Number 8, still too late for DB to work.

[cw68]

To be honest, up until the last month I thought he just might change his mind. Now I look back and wish I would have done things so differently. I think that if I would have taken the hard line early on he would have come back to try. By giving him the room I did, I slowly allowed him to deal with his guilt and overcome it. I failed. He failed completely, I realize that, but I think if I would have done things differently, less pie-in-the-sky then I might not be here right now.

Went and looked at a house I want to rent. H and I spoke on the phone about logistics, finances, the house and papers. He is filing them (divorce, not legal separation) in a few weeks. I am starting to research jobs, reach out to old colleagues and these changes are become all very real and frightening.

I am trying not to be angry at H but it's hard. I told him that I am very angry at the $100k+ we will lose on the house. In my mind, I blame him for this and hope I can get over it. He's not very concerned about the money and that's because he has a kick-ass job. Yes, a fair amount of that will be coming my way with the kids and a few years' worth of spousal support, but he'll be fine. I may not be. That's on top of everything else, even the little things like I don't know how our kids are going to be able to get to/from soccer or if they'll have to skip it because both parents work and it might be impossible for them to participate. grrrrr