Mixed Signals - version ? who's counting

[catfan]

So I am really finding it hard to stand right now and I just need to vent. A week and no contact, so I have no idea when she's planning on bringing the girls by for Father's Day. Then yesterday a call at 1:30 saying she's going to drop the girls off in a hour, is that OK. Well no it's not because I did have errands I was trying to take care of. She just thought she could drop them off at any time in the afternoon and never thought to give me a little notice on when she might drop them off nor did she have any regard for me or what I might be doing. To her she expected I'd just sit by the phone waiting for her call and be giddy when it came.

Then there are a number of other small things about our vacation house that we need to address. Nothing big just little maintenance type things we need to discuss. I send her an email earlier in the week about them, silence.

Oh and there's the trip to overseas for work in two weeks, she's taking the girls too. She didn't think any thing of it that she hadn't provided me any details of where they'll be, who'll be taking care of the girls while she's at work, etc. Uh, we have joint custody I think giving me these details is a reasonable thing.

Lastly there's the car that's still in my name along with the loan. She's "going to sell it to carmax this week" well this has been going on for 6 months now. Fine, what day are you thinking of going over there? Once again, "I don't know, I don't have any idea." Nice, well what if I have plans that day? Again she just thought I'd jump up and say, sure I'll meet you there, I have nothing better to do.

I know it all sounds trivial but seriously it all revolves around consideration for others and her lack of planning or an idea of a plan, not to mention communication. She was always such a solid planner and considerate before all of this. Now she seems to think it's fine to seat of the pants everything and not tell anyone who's affected, yet she still expect me to have a good idea of what I'm going to be doing and make sure she is informed.

I'm sorry but I can't help but think she's now specifically trying to drive me away, to get me to react, to get me to get angry and blow up. It's like she's subconsciously playing some game.

Right now I really do just want to tell her, "OK fine you want me out of your life, fine, here ya go, I'm gone." Then go to the courthouse and file and after that just never speak to her again in any way shape for form and if the girls ask just tell them that mommy didn't want Daddy in her life anymore and be done with it all.

I am just so frustrated right now with her!!!

Oh and the worst part, when I look at her, what I see in her eyes tells a different tale, the look on her face and her eyes seem to be saying something different. I believe what I see is what's really deep in her heart. Yet her her body language and words say differently. What I think I see in her eyes and her face is really those deep feelings in her heart. While her words and body language say what her mind is saying.

Folks I am at that edge again and now I don't know if it's worth standing any longer. But my heart say I should stand for my family, for the vows I gave and for us because deep down I know we can be a wonderful couple and family again.