Isn't it incredible? Same thing - business is going well and he bags on us only to make more of a financial struggle with two households! Tink - as always - absolutely on target. I need to stop worrying so much about what he is doing. Although it eats away at me like crazy. I will look up the book and was unaware of any yahoo groups. And I can't believe how the small picture is all I am seemingly capable of seeing right now. And I have really always been like that I am realizing now. Big Picture and Do Over are going to be my mantra's! I think the depression of the situation creeps in on me when the kids aren't around to keep it at bay. I have four horses and I really should be out with them on the weekends. My S,still at home, has two and I have two, but my S isn't very interested anymore and will leave for college in August. I do try to go out with friends on the weekends, but during the day I need to fill the time - and not with cleaning!!!
Me-48 H-48 Married 25years Sep 12/05 S-24, S-22, S-18, D-12 Dated for 9 months of S, not dating now http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1565826
I have four horses and I really should be out with them on the weekends...I do try to go out with friends on the weekends, but during the day I need to fill the time - and not with cleaning!!!
That's right! And meet new people and try out new interests or regain old ones. A project you can sink your teeth into would be a good thing right now. Do you know about meetup.com? They have free weekly interest groups with so many different kinds of interests I couldn't name them all.
meetup.com is a great idea, Tink. I've joined a walking group through that and found a wine tasting group too.
Rusty, the best way to take the focus off of what your husband is doing is to put it on you. Volunteering somewhere would take up your time, allow you to interact with new people, and give you some satisfaction.
The point is, you have much to offer people, and you will find that it makes you a happier person to be doing things for others.
Last edited by MP53; 06/12/0810:27 AM.
Married: 25 years Separated: 5 years Kids: 2, ages 21 and 24 Me: 53 H: 50
I am going to try all of those suggestions. Right now is really busy, so it hasn't been as bad. After my S wedding I am going to really focus on me and doing some NEW things. I am really tired of the same old stuff, which has basically being going out, eating and drinking and coming home lonely! Done. I may try some home improvement projects on my condo. I did some of that in the beginning and it made me feel really accomplished that I did it without H! My S getting married arrives for the wedding on Wednesday and so does my best college friend, so I will have alot to get ready for. Thanks for the ideas!
Me-48 H-48 Married 25years Sep 12/05 S-24, S-22, S-18, D-12 Dated for 9 months of S, not dating now http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1565826
Any suggestions on how to handle Father's Day? My kids will be with the H but I have to run over their present to him. Do I bring a card? He is the father of my children and I'm not sure if I acknowledge that in a friendly, supportive way or, being that I am trying to go dark as best I can, do I ignore it? Or just a simple "Happy Father's Day" when I drop the gift off? Another one of those things that makes this all so hard to accept.
Me-48 H-48 Married 25years Sep 12/05 S-24, S-22, S-18, D-12 Dated for 9 months of S, not dating now http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1565826
I would back off at this point. Just the present from the kids. And I wouldn't go over there either. When he returns them, give them the present to give to him.
Give some space and distance until the last episode is faded more from his mind and then you can come back in in the surrendered way (if you checked that out).
Had an interesting experience last night - any input?? My future DIL had her bachelorrette party last night and I was invited. We had so much fun - I love her and her friends and a couple of friends mom's went also. But I forgot my cell phone at home. Figured everyone knew I was out with the party, so no big deal. I used DIL's phone to call S once, so he knew where I was and how to reach me if an emergency. I got home and had 5 missed phone calls and two text's from H. The first text said he needed to talk with me about Father's Day morning(????WHY????) and the last text said "Appreciate the response" (sarcasim). I didin't get home until after 2am, so I didn't respond. In the morning, I just texted him, "Sorry, forgot my phone". From them on he kept texting me asking about when I got home, where did I stay, etc. I didn't give any answers specifically, but was polite and basically answered vaguely. He always trys to make it seem like he has some other reason for asking these kinds of questions. What's up with all that?? When I used to ask him anything about whereabouts and who with, he would tell me none of my business!
Me-48 H-48 Married 25years Sep 12/05 S-24, S-22, S-18, D-12 Dated for 9 months of S, not dating now http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1565826
I don't think I can keep up with the reading, Tink!! I will, now here comes the really weird thing. Sunday, H was bringing back D. I was out walking the dog and came up while they were getting out of the car. H said nothing to me, didn't even say hello, didn't look at me. D came up and commented on my shirt (I was wearing my "Mother of the Groom" bachelorette party shirt) and we laughed. I just looked at H and said "Hello, you could at least say Hi". He himmed and hawed around and finally I just got mad and said "You could at least treat me as you would any normal person and say the obligatory hello, but don't worry, I'll just see you around". He got mad, called me and was yelling and I just hung up. Then he came charging in my front door, telling me he was sick of my crap, how poorly I had treated him in the past, blah blah blah.. All the same crap as always. I asked him to leave repeatedly and finally, after yelling for a couple of minutes, he left. Then, he called again on D's phone and asked to talk with me. He apologized, said he was still mad about the night before (me not answering all his late phone calls) and why did I tell him I was going to be seeing someone and possibly sleeping with someone else. I told him that I didn't say that, but that he had told me to move on and I intended to do just that. If someone came along, then so be it. I also said that I knew he was out and about all the time and I was told it was none of my business. He then apologized to D. Then he called me today to apologize again. I said it was okay, he was obviously upset but not to carry on like that again in front of D. He said he wanted to talk to me about some other stuff (I am assuming the fact that he thinks I am seeing and sleeping with someone) but our S had just walked in, so he would call later. I think I am just going to carry on and not make a big deal of it and see if he ever does try to talk. I really think I am just so sick of all the crap and his immature behavior that I don't know if I want him back at all. He hasn't grown or changed at all and I keep growing and changing and really am enjoying the person I am becoming. Is this really weird, disfunctional behavior? I guess it is, but I am just really sick of it.
Me-48 H-48 Married 25years Sep 12/05 S-24, S-22, S-18, D-12 Dated for 9 months of S, not dating now http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1565826
Awwww, Rusty, you were doing great til you got mad at him.
Seriously, in that kind of a sitch, I would just be happy and light, say hello, and move on. Let him follow you and talk to you instead of you demanding a reply.
I find it very interesting that he was so concerned that he couldn't reach you. That should show you what happens when you don't pursue him...
Hope that the wedding plans for your son are going well. Remember to keep focusing on those plans...not on what your H is or is not doing. If he sees you as happy and cheerful and confident, well, that is so much more attractive than crying and being angry. Right?
Glad you had a good time at the bachelorette party. Nice to cut loose sometimes!
Married: 25 years Separated: 5 years Kids: 2, ages 21 and 24 Me: 53 H: 50
