Puppy, I'm sure you have some 2x4s for me and I probably deserve them. If I'd taken your advice from the start and held both her and myself to a higher standard, and enforced that standard, things would probably be much different. Who knows - it's so hard to see the right direction when you're in the midst of things and all you can rely on are your own instincts. For better or worse, mine are to be understanding and loving - a nice guy, who I guess will always finish last.
No 2x4s from me, brother. This sh|t is HARD, and I think you've handled yourself with grace, courage and compassion. I talk a great game, but I only gave myself maybe a "B" or a "B+", and I still have a long-term sex-starved marriage to deal with, lodo. We are ALL just doing the best we can here.
After signing, we went back to my office. Usual comfortable talking, sharing of what we're each doing and excited about, etc. She stood to leave and I was going to just watch her walk out, but stood up instead and hugged her. She hugged me back really hard. I held her for awhile but was ready to pull back when I felt her start to release me. She told me about her travel plans and I said I could stop by the house if she needed me to. She said she didn't think so, but then asked if I didn't mind - she didn't want me to feel weird. I told her I didn't feel weird - we'd known each other a long time and we can't just stop being friends. She said she appreciated my understanding and pleasantness through all of this and for being friendly, then she started to cry and reached out for my hand. I held it and then told her I was sorry I had hurt her, that it hadn't been my intention. She said she was sorry for what she had done too. I told her that it was all in the past and we could both be better together in the future. She agreed, then left.
Puppy, I'm sure you have some 2x4s for me and I probably deserve them. If I'd taken your advice from the start and held both her and myself to a higher standard, and enforced that standard, things would probably be much different. Who knows - it's so hard to see the right direction when you're in the midst of things and all you can rely on are your own instincts. For better or worse, mine are to be understanding and loving - a nice guy, who I guess will always finish last.
I'm very sad right now, but it'll all be okay. I just need to keep thinking through things and being patient with myself. It was the giving up hope over the previous couple of weeks, the really letting go and admitting that this isn't a repeat of 9 years ago, that was much harder.
lodo
lodo-you are a good man. I am thinking about you today.
When we are in the moment, everything goes out the window. We know we should say, but it never comes out. We keep saying the things that we WANT to say. It is not always the best, but it is from the heart.
I think that is what counts in the long run. We may not win the prize, but we sure as hell have tried.
Thinking about you, dude.
Last edited by hopeful4her; 06/16/0806:12 PM.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
“When you have come to the edge of all the light you have And step into the darkness of the unknown Believe that one of the two will happen to you Either you'll find something solid to stand on Or you'll be taught how to fly!”
It sounds to me in the short time I've known you that you have a some of both right now.
I'm hoping for your flight feathers to grow a bit faster in the upcoming days. But also hope you know you have a safe place to stand here among friends.
hugs
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
(((((lodo))))). I am right there with you. You are the better person in this whole situation and if she can't see it then that is her loss. I'll listen if you need to talk.
kat
Yeah, I've been feeling the last couple days that maybe it's not us that are losing out when we divorce, but our WAS. I think we DBers are very cool people and our WAS are messed-up, dysfunctional, immature, (and in my case not very nice). They should be thanking God that they have spouses that are willing to forgive them & stay in the R with them, but they don't realize that.
I mean if my H divorces me I think I will probably go on to have a better R with someone that is more mature, together & hopefully loyal, so who is the one that's losing out? I hope I am not sounding totally conceited but really have been thinking that the last few days... I mean I'm just feeling like we almost should be just feeling sorry for the WAS (although they are being pretty dumb so I guess that makes it harder). Lodo, I hope you forgive me for my weird thoughts, b/c I think the world of your too--and I do think your W is so losing out!!! Karen
But also hope you know you have a safe place to stand here among friends.