I had a pretty good Father's Day. The boys and I went to church, had lunch, went swimming, talked to family on the phone, caught a movie on VOD, and even got some homework accomplished. We were all pretty tired by the end of the day.
I picked up my S's on Saturday evening. W had them with her Friday night for the "SummerFest" carnival in Little Washington, where her mother and aunt live now. I asked W if she would make it to church the next day -- W got very annoyed that I asked her when she claimed to have told me she always has an early morning patient to see every other weekend when she doesn't have the kids. She asked me why I asked, in a very perturbed tone. I told her no reason, I asked because her plans sometimes do change to allow her to make an unplanned visit to church. But it wasn't important (other than being polite). W was obviously bothered, and said she could not understand why I can never listen to her.
She really needs to lighten up. If she was secretly planning to wake up on these days with OM, then that's her guilty conscious making her nasty, but I don't want to know about it. That's her soul, her responsibility, and I am not concerning myself anymore.
I just looked at her, as she was criticizing me for failing to hear her "the first time". I stared her in the eyes and saw how tired she was, how she has been worn down by her life. She's still beautiful in many, all-too-familiar ways, but she just looks so alien to me at times like that. I guess this alien has hurt me so badly over these many months that its appearance is so unattractive and downright disturbing.
...
Yesterday S7 started asking me again about his mother and how he could never believe her story. I told him that W is his mother and she loves him very much -- she deserves his respect and love as his mother no matter what. This is not something for which he can make such judgments at his age.
S7 is stubborn, like both of his parents, and kept persisting in asking questions. I told S7, once again, that what is going on his mother's life is not in his control nor in my control -- it was entirely up to her and God, mostly her. All he, S7, needed to do was to love her. I then told S7 we needed to drop the subject, as we had already said enough for one day.
The truth of the matter is that despite his sweet innocence, S7 is a very curious little boy, smart enough to see things for what they are for the most part. At the same time, he is a child and has such unabiding hope. Although it rips at my soul to do so, I am sorry to say it is time I and W lay all the cards on the table before him, though it means dashing his hopes. I hate to say it, but the hard truth is this family is headed unerringly for D, and there is nothing that has been done that will avert this. At this point, there is nothing that can be done. It's all in his mother's hands.
