Family can be a total pain in the caboose, can't they?
You sound like you are doing great, and I do think your W is using excuses to talk to you. I even think the bachelor question was to try to find out if you are miserable. The fact that you are not coming off as miserable is probably giving her food for thought. Being a woman, if we don't want to talk to someone, well, we just don't. I think there are many positive steps being made here!!!
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I even think the bachelor question was to try to find out if you are miserable. The fact that you are not coming off as miserable is probably giving her food for thought. Being a woman, if we don't want to talk to someone, well, we just don't. I think there are many positive steps being made here!!!
Thanks Lola! Maybe the Dallas text was a mistake. I just need to come here and ask for advice before answering her. I've done that on e-mails, but texts are so quick.
I've been thinking about the phone also. W spilled baby oil all over her phone, and now the screen is almost unreadable. She's broke, and was trying to convince me to get a new phone and sell her mine. I thought about it, but don't want to sign a new 2-year contract with Verizon. I hate Verizon, and we only chose it because W's family uses it. So, I told her, I'd love to help, but can't. Then I told her about the new phone coming out, only $99, etc.
Somehow she got it for free, maybe OM, trade for phone sex or something. But why tell me that? Maybe make me feel guilty for not buying the phone for her? I love buying her things now that I've got the money, but would rather spend it on things we can do together. Also, part of me wants to let her face her own financial problems.
Originally Posted By: LolaL
Being a woman, if we don't want to talk to someone, well, we just don't. I think there are many positive steps being made here!!!
That's exactly what I need to hear. Thanks!
Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
We all make mistakes. Trust me, I am the queen of them!!! I agree with you that you need to let her face her own financial problems. She needs to see what life without you is like. Sometimes that is the key.
The other thing I have found is ultimately they do resolve their own issues, it is a matter of giving them the time and space. For us, it is hard, because we want so badly to please. For them, sometimes giving them the space is exactly what they need so they can reassess and see what they are missing.
But Jon, I think you are doing fantastic!!
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I meant to respond to your thread, but I put it in my thread by accident. Here it is...
I don't think the phone sex thing was serious. I think she was joking, maybe trying to get you thinking about what the two of you used to do. I'd ASSUME it was a joke, and respond with a text that says, "How can I swing one of those free phones? Do I have to have phone sex with the salesman as well? Because I might be willing..." Joke with her back.
She's SO prying by asking about the bachelor thing. She's wondering where your head is and watching, thinking.
...from a women's perspective. Beleive it!
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
I don't think the phone sex thing was serious. I think she was joking, maybe trying to get you thinking about what the two of you used to do. I'd ASSUME it was a joke, and respond with a text that says, "How can I swing one of those free phones? Do I have to have phone sex with the salesman as well? Because I might be willing..." Joke with her back.
She's SO prying by asking about the bachelor thing. She's wondering where your head is and watching, thinking.
...from a women's perspective. Beleive it!
That's great! Exactly what I need to do. In fact, I can text her that joke today. I'm trying to keep up the NC, but with her bachelor question I'm thinking maybe some contact today would be good, just light and fun.
Keep the WP coming!
Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
One of the best things I got was when my H started texting little jokes to me, or joking with me. I think you are right in keeping the conversation light and fun..no pressure...just show her that you still have a sense of humor.
Women have a tendency not to come right out and ask, but beat around the bush. Don't ask why...I'm not sure it could be fear, anxiety, or something of that nature, so that bachelor question was, IMO, a way to find out if you are truly a "bachelor". My suggestion, although telling her you are out dating and having a jolly time isn't the answer, let her wonder just a little. Don't come on too strong, but certainly don't let her know everything either!!!
Lola
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Just got a text: "Babe, I need some money. Can you help me out?"
This is an amazing turnaround. W's family is extremely rich, she owns part of a natural gas well, and provided most of the money during our marriage. Of course, I was in school, but still caused a lot of tension. Now I've got a great job, and I guess she's embarrassed to ask her family for more help. I do like that she said "babe". What should my response be?
Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
One of the greatest things my H and I have been able to do is cover for each other if one of us is short, (which obviously we really are right now) so if you have the means and want to help, by all means!!!
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Well, of course I want to help. I guess I'm worried about cake-eating, etc. But I don't know how to avoid R-talk.
And of course, her dad's response would be "yes, I'll help you, but I want a full financial report, monthly budget, blah blah blah." That's what he told us a year ago. I don't want to come across that way.
Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
