Memories of today

[Beth 83]

As you can see by my post yesterday, I was a questioning my optimism. But, I'm doing ok today. I wrote H an e-mail last night thanking him for my birthday gift and talked alittle about expressing my feelings. I'm at work now, but will post it later.

I'm now questioning whether I should have sent it, I hope it wasn't too pursuer like. But I told myself what my mom told me, "H has done so many mis-steps, it is ok if I do them every once in a while." So, I'll leave it at that.

I've decided to go dim this week. No contact out to H first (right?), besides a reminder on Friday that I'm going away for the weekend. (Did I tell you all I'm going to Miami?!)

I'm going to try and read a little, catch up on work, and do some yoga.

While I think our conversation on Thursday was good, I didn't like the sense of "separation being permanent" in our talks. Granted, I added to that. Maybe I shouldn't talk about the future in terms of us being separated, but together? It's difficult b/c I don't want to be presumptious that we'll stay together in "future" talks.

Ugh. Have I mentioned lately that I hate this?