Try to listen a lot. Don't make any decisions. Thank him for any information he has gathered. And, tell him you'll need some time to thing about it all!
Hopefully he'll text back with a day tomorrow. The more I can put it off till later in the week or next week the better so I can get in the right mindset and I shall practise doing some listening.
When my W and I sold our home (that I designed and built for us.....ughhhh), it was a very "bumpy" time of our life. We were not sep and my W seemed to go back and forth between getting a place togather and using this as a place to make a clean break. She chose the second option. It is important to undertstand we decided to sell our home before we were looking at sep, it was just a good decision for us and the kids (school districts and activities).
The main thing we talked about was what to list it for and how we were going to split the proceeds. Her initial take was that I didn't deserve any of the proceeds since she paid for the mortgage (discounting the fact that I paid all of the remianing bills and groceries, etc). I insisted that I contributed to this household equally and I deserved 50% of the proceeds. She was mad at first but then agreed. Sometimes shw would say that I was being greedy, to which I would respond, I would like nothing better than to put all of my proceeds into a house that we were getting together.
About a year and a half prior to that I actually consulted with a lawyer to discuss my rights. My wife would always threaten Divorce whenever we would get in a disagreement and I thought I better know what this entails. So I set up a free consult just to become educated. It was very enlightening. I would highly recommend this. I even told the lawyer that I had no intention to divorce but felt I needed to be educated. It gave me a lot of confidence.
During your meeting with your H, he might actually say stuff that indicates that he is not happy about selling the place. I would just use this as an opportunity to validate him (while you are probably thinking, "then why in the world are we doing this then"....at least I was).
I hope this helps, let me know if you were looking for advice from a different perspective or if you had any questions....I didn't want to ramble on too much
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
"Hi. Don't worry about meeting tonight, I hope your meeting went well. I'm away this weekend. Maybe next week sometime?"
This was at 22.22 - is that not a bit late to say don't worry about meeting tonight?! I'm not worried about meeting tonight, I was busy!!! Get stuffed - or words to that effect...
Very annoying, I've just spent two days in anguish and he has taken up valuable head space.
I already sent him my availability as it stands at the moment for next week. Do you guys think I should text back or leave it for him to contact me - does it need spelling out to him? If I leave it will he think that I'm bothered by his text? Suits me the longer we leave it, he was the one that wanted to sort things out practically, not me...
I'm trying to think what would be a 180 for me as I have been ignoring him for the past month but if I don't reply I don't want him to think that I am upset at not meeting him. I kind of want to send a 'whatever' text.
A 180 would be to reply simply stating "thats cool" Don't let him know it bothers you. If he texts you for a meeting outside of your availablilty then I might consider responding to him and letting him know that you are busy them....lets work on getting together another time.
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
Hmmm, am really cross again now though because I just looked at my h's best friends social network page and there is a message from ow on the best friend's wall. It is really annoying because I found out about this ow via that medium. My h was in New York visiting this friend and I found out that ow was out there too. The annoying thing is that she has joined in with an in joke from when my h and his best friend were at uni. I'm annoyed that she knows about that and is joining in because I always felt very excluded from that joke and could never join in. It was seriously juvenile anyway and I couldn't relate as I didn't go to that uni and it seemed inappropriate for me to join in, it would have been weird. How dare she?!
Apart from that, I've had a good weekend - did stuff for me. No word from h yet. I'm so angry with him, I've resented him all weekend.
Glad you got out and did some stuff for you this weekend- that's really great!
Re. the facebook thing- that IS really annoying. I don't think there's much to be done about it though- OW are slimey creatures, and eventually her R with you H will burn out- it's a question of time (and patience on your part). Is there any way you could avoid looking at H's best friend's page at all? Stage 1 of DB is to let go of anger- might help a little with that?
I do try not to look but sometimes I can't help myself. I found out she was in New York with my h by it popping up on my newsfeed that she had made friends with h's best friend and since I have known I just check once in a while. I think I shall have to try and restrain myself from now on! I really try hard not to snoop as I know that it has a detrimental effect, I just can't resist sometimes.
The anger has really just built up in the past couple of weeks, but I think it is more to do with frustration at not being allowed to get my point across or try out my new skills with DB. You are right though I am going to have to try and let it go, it is just hard when I see stuff like that.
I'm thinking I might need a bit of encouragement to go on and I'm hoping you can give it to me.
I had a really good weekend this weekend doing stuff for me and I come back to work today and am reminded of how stressful this whole h thing is. He still hasn't arranged a meet up for this week yet. The thing I am stressed about is that I have checked our joint account for bills and it will be overdrawn again really soon. I have already put extra money in there this month and can't afford/ do not want to again. He never checks it, he just puts the same amount in each month and assumes it'll be ok - never mind the fact that his phone bill was �180 last month.
The reason that I am stressed is that I know I have to sort it out with him but it will throw up negative stuff about me in his eyes again and make it seem more apparent that we sell, start dividing more etc. We each have separate personal accounts and just have one together for the house. Theoretically it should work. I am going to have to do some analysis, but I just don't see why I should do this on my own. Before we went on holiday he promised he would take more/ some responsibility for this account and not leave it to me to check and that lasted a week. Then he came back from holiday and said he didn't want to see me anymore and has stopped checking the account. If I do a 180 and stop checking we will incure loads of bank charges.
I was really hoping to stay dark this week and for him to text me to arrange a meet to I could turn up all friendly and care-free. Now it looks as if I will have to contact him and sound like a nag impinging on his 'new life'.
Would it be easier to just walk away and get on with life. I had such a nice weekend and started this morning on such a high from it. Now I am bumped back down to earth again by him.
