Are you ready to say I cannot live my life like this much longer for you.
This is of course looking ahead towards post-D life and to sustain you as you move forward with the D. I know I beat you with my big stick about your responsibility to your kids - well and I have focused on your kids to "persuaude" you to move forward.
However, your needs and you are just as important. And you have to slowly evolve your mindset towards valuing you. First b/c you are going to have to go for a fair settlement and you will need the right state of mind to be able to do this w/o being bouncy and losing control. You are goig to have to constructively fight for YOU and your kids needs. And second, you will end up in other R's where once again, you devalue your own needs for the needs of others - and co-dependency and lack of boundary setting has a way of making us feel like life is controlling us as opposed to us making our choices in life.
BTW: This is the lawyer in me talking. While there is no legal edge to being the one to present the first draft of a settlement to the other side, I do believe there is a psychological advantage. The other side then feels the "pressure" to confront if they want to change the terms. I would recommend getting all of the financial paperwork required for discovery together and to your attorney so that the first draft is ready. Then I would send the settlement as soon as she files a response to your petition to D. I don't go to war often - but when I do I find it to my advantage to be more prepared than the other side, to move forward and to move quickly.
