you guys are right. so hard for me to GAL. gas is so f'ing expensive. I've lived in nyc for 20 years and I CAN'T STAND having to rely on a car to do anything. at least right now I can think of like 5 al-anon meetings in the city that I could take the subway to -- for 2 dollars!
here, I have to drive 35 miles each way. I know I'm negative today, I just feel so lonely and scared about my future.
I really hate being in this house alone. It's the country house that h and I bought together and we restored it. I never thought I'd be living here full-time and in this situation, no less.
I understand what your feeling. I so want to get over my W, but then I see her briefly and I was her but mostly miss the family. That's what I want back. D fell asleep on my bed and suddenly I feel so lonely and depressed. My parents are coming over in a couple hours and I don't have any energy to do anything.
But it will pass and then I'll feel better again. It will pass for you too. Like others have posted, try to busy yourself...take a walk or do something around the house that you've been neglecting. I hope you feel better.
M 35 W 28 D 4
Bomb 4/28/08 Found out about PA 05/14/08 Separated 5/25/08 (not legally)
See, told you so, things would work out for you. And I am so proud of you for keeping it together in front of h, judge, lawyers, etc.
You kept your head up high. Now need to keep it there.
Yes you miss your old life, your family unit. Its ok to miss it once and a while, like someone posted go back and read all that you h has done to you. The feeling will pass.
Look I don't have children, but let me tell you being the one cheated on, and who's H left for another woman to have a perfect life, with her and her three children. The first everything is hard, the first thanksgiving, christmas, birthdays, etc.
My h spend the whole weekend away with the ow on both my birthday and his birthday weekends. We always used to do something special, this year, I sat at home feeling sorry for me. Know what next year. NOW WAY
I am done feeling sorry, for me and what h has done. Its my time for me
Your time will come, the pieces need to fall into the right places. they will trust us.
Hugs bear
Me 42-Him 40 T20yrs Married 16yrs 2/06 H- "not sure if i want to be married anymore" 6/07 H-"I'm not happy" 9/07 Admits affair & OW 12/08 I moved out 12/09 still waiting for divorce
so h and I officially drafted up custody agreement with lawyers. she'll finish out school year next week and then go with him during the week for summer camp (I'll have her on weekends). then she will return the 3rd week of August for school here (monday through friday with me, weekends with H). both attorneys have received agreement. h's attorney is calling the court to pull the petition and make this arrangment binding.
h and I had a R talk for the first time in a while. he just admitted to me that when he met OW it made him realize that he was unhappy and that there was "something better" for him out there. he readily admits that he would have stayed here and that he didn't think he was "unhappy" until he met her. knife in my heart.
That's kind of like spending some time with my students in school, realizing what great kids they are, and then deciding that I don't want my own kids anymore.
It's irrational. It's childish. Incredibly selfish. And definitely not the action of a grown and mature adult.
I hope you can see the insanity in his words and actions. It cuts like a dagger, yes. But not because there is any truth in the notion that he could not be happy with you.
We all can get caught up in the next new thing. And sometimes we do that with material possessions like TV's and cars. But we don't have a commitment to that television set. We didn't promise to keep it, use it, and protect it forever.
What he's done is the sign of a person of low character and poor integrity. Whether its a mid life crisis or just a poor decision doesn't reallly matter. What you are seeing is the kind of PERSON he is behind the facade that he has shown you for years. All along this was lurking there.
As for the OW, well, one day she will be the one replaced. A man like this will always be on the lookout for the next rush, the next love high that makes him feel desirable and wanted.
In his current incarnation, you are much better off without him.
Even though I know that doesn't make the hurt less.
By the way, are you ok with him having your daughter 5 out of every 7 days in the summer? That seems a bit much to me. I think I would probably have pushed for something more like a week on week off schedule.
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
Thank you so much for your response. I'm ok with the camp thing, yes, I think it will be good for her and everything is iron-clad now in writing with the lawyers so there's no going back on his part. peace of mind for me.
I'm grieving. I don't know how long grieving is supposed to take, but I truly thought we were a family and had the same vaules. Even though I was unhappy (esp. last fall -- he was very "not there' for me), I can see that yes, he probably isn't the one for me. but it's still SO HARD. Perhaps if I had left, not him, it would be easier, I don't know. Just the fact that he admitted that he would still be here if OW hadn't come into the picture makes me feel totally replaced and useless.
I know you are totally right. It's about HIS character, HIS moral compass. I can honestly say that I would never have an affair, and I have had plenty of opportunities (not bragging, I was in the recording industry and had a lot of opportunities). It was never something I could do or even FELT like doing.
That doesn't make me a saint, and I have my part in the marriage, but what really hurts it how FAST he wants things to come to a conclusion. New Girl, Add Water, New Life.
I DO feel vindicated in the fact that his little rouse to get Isabella via social services and court (this was about revenge and money by the way) didn't work. He even admitted it failed. HIS own lawyer told him enough is enough. For that I feel vindicated. For that I know I wasn't "crazy" and am a good mother and deserve to be her mother.
It's just his "care-free" attitude and how "happy" he act around me right now (with his new ring she gave him, to boot) that kills me. I know it shouldn't (my mom, literally just yelled at me to stop crying and get on with it). It's such a slap in the face to the years we have together and our daughter and the time when she was sick (had to have surgery) and everything else. like I'm nothing now. I was his wife, mother of his child, and now he can't get rid of me fast enough.
I hear what you are saying about "slap in the face". That's the one thing that gets to me still....10 years and its gone. People tell me to get on with it, but after 10 years its not that easy. But you do have to stop thinking about the past and what he did. I know I'm starting to have more and more "good" days because I'm forcing myself not to think of W.
M 35 W 28 D 4
Bomb 4/28/08 Found out about PA 05/14/08 Separated 5/25/08 (not legally)
