Steadfast Benevolence

[Concerned_Listener]

Tmite, Lanzo, and Matilda,
Thanks for the honest feedback and the 2X4.

I think what I'm doing is waiting for the sleeping elsewhere to stop before I move forward. You're both saying to move forward in spite of it.

Break the ice is a useful phrase.

It's hard to want to get close to your W after there has been a sleeping elsewhere episode, or she has asked you get a PT job because she hasn't managed money for the past several years. It's hard to break that cycle.

Our most recent conflict involves my W asking me to work PT, in addition to full-time work, and the cooking job, which I assist. I told her no, that I would not work additional hours; that I contribute enough to the household finances.

She wants to look for another PT job in addition to the one she has. She says that she has been losing sleep over financial worries.

She got angry implying that a real man would do whatever it takes to manage the family budget. The problem is though that impulsive and overspending is her problem. I don't see where I have to work additional hours to compensate for that.

I wrote her an email this morning, offering to take on a greater role with the weekend cooking job, freeing up more of her day.

Tmite and Lanzo, I will think about your comments and about what I can additionally do to move things forward. I think movie-time on the couch is the next step. I also need to make sure my W doesn't bully me into doing working too much and losing a healthy balance of work/rest/play. You talk about lack of respect. Holding my ground, by insisting on fairness with my W in negtotiating conflict is something I need to practice.

Maybe, I need to start showing-up and sitting on that couch on a regular basis. Maybe, I need to get a stack of movies from the library this week. I'm not ready to ML. I don't see the point in confronting her about the sleeping elsewhere. Maybe I should call it something else (I'm not sure what).

CL