Your wife needs to understand that there is going to be a PENALTY for her actions, and there are CONSEQUENCES for leaving her marriage. She is dishonoring her word, her vows before God, and her own honor as a woman by these actions. And you consider these current actions of hers as just this.
The trick is to do this in a totally non-threatening way, and with a complete CONFIDENCE on your part. You want to portray to your wife that you are just going on with your life, without her. You are simply taking care of, and protecting, YOURSELF.
You WANT to have her be your wife, like she promised she would be. But, if she is not going to do that, then you would really prefer to just be rid of her forever. You don't want a philandering, cheating woman for your wife..... do you?
Never mind what your wife WAS, in the PAST.... it is what she IS NOW that is salient and germane to your decision process.
Calling the OM and telling her to stop and doing things like this show FEAR. It also places the blame where it doesn't belong. The blame should be placed squarely upon your wife. SHE is the one who has lied. SHE is the one who has disobeyed God. SHE is the one who has broken her vows.
Obsessing about her buying new clothes and reading her phone bill only make things worse for you. What you imagine is happening between her and the OM may be far worse than what actually is.
Your wife is rationalizing her affair in her own mind by calling it a "friendship"....as long as she can keep thinking of it in that way, she can continue without the CONVICTION that it's wrong.
Stop paying her bills. 100%, off, kaput, finished. No exceptions, no ifs, no ands, no buts. OFF. Take any money in joint accounts and either give her half of it, as a lump-sum, or keep it ALL and use it for repayment of any joint debts - if there are joint debts, I suggest this method, because it increases the pressure on her to stop her foolishness and come home and honor her vows and her responsibilities as an adult woman.
Quote:
Adding in a "and please don't take forever to decide, because my patience isn't infinite, and your recent behavior is making me lose my love for you" is entirely bonus/optional.
