I see where you got some really good advice on your previous thread about how to deal with this. With all due respect, you appeared to just not even listen to it, and in fact spent more time defending your wife than you did heeding the warnings some of us were trying to give you. I even offered to help you phrase something -- a better way to handle setting the boundary -- if you would give me an example of a typical dialogue exchange with your wife. That offer was ignored.
It's not clear from your most recent post here what it is you want from us. How do you stop obsessing about it? You can't. What you DO about the things you think is another matter (read LostPhil's threads for a great read on "reactivity," and now NOT to do it), but you realistically aren't going to be able to stop THINKING about it at this early stage.
Or is your question "Should I just accept her affair and move on, or should I try to stop it?" That's an entirely different question, and much more controversial.
"Working on yourself" always SOUNDS good, but a wayward spouse doesn't do that when they're actively involved in an affair. The separation is almost entirely used as a means to carry on the affair more easily, than it is for any meaningful introspection and movement back toward the marriage.
