Nightmare, think of it this way: is it truly your belief, when you are "rubbing your vagina against his genitals," that you are not increasing his pleasure? I promise you, no matter how much pleasure that gives you, he doesn't think you're being selfish. He thinks you're responding to him, taking pleasure from him, and giving him great pleasure in return. Having any part of his genitals rubbed with any part of yours probably a dream come true. If you don't believe it, ask him whether he'd like you to do it again.
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I should mention before I go on, that in other aspects of our relationship, I am very happy. As weird as it may sound, I feel as if I have married my soulmate. We finish each others sentences, we talk on the same wavelength, we share goals and dreams. I find him funny and endearing and nice to look at. I like to touch his skin and to cuddle in his arms. I am not afraid of him -- we are like best friends. But when it comes to intimacy, I find myself pulling back.
It's not that shocking. I could write something similar, except I'm the high-desire end of my marriage. But aside from the hurt and anger and rejection of our sex life, I love her. I'll never cheat and I'll never divorce her, but you have to understand how scary it is to say that. You as the LD wife have all power in the marriage when it comes to sex. You decide everything; he decides nothing. It's easy for him to feel like the only power he would have is the threat to leave or cheat . . . . but what if he doesn't WANT to leave? I don't. I made the choice to back away from that big gun and tell my wife right out that I'm not going to leave her whether she changes or not, but can you understand how frightening it is to give up the last shred of power that way? It might be too much for your husband right now, and yet that also means that even if he says he might leave, you don't have to take that to mean that he WANTS to leave. It doesn't have to mean there's no hope.
