Most A's do not last with these MLCers. They are bandaids and cover up the hurt, depression, confusion etc...that they are feeling.
Your H's OW must have a self esteem lower than the slime in a drain pipe!! He lives at home with you and your S, yet she waits around for him to see her??
These OW's are desperate women. My H told me that he realized he missed me (I guess the "honeymoon with ow was over)and saw that I was happy without him...
Read MrsH's threads...she is in NY and adultery can play a big part in the settlement of the D...
I know this is hard, I thought my H was going to be with ow and her kids forever...it did not last and H has come home.
I DB'd like crazy and finally felt ok with myself...try to do things for you. You did not cause him to do this and you can't fix him either. It is time to take care of yourself!!
You said H lives at home? he still introduced OW to your son and his family members?? Has anyone said anything to him?
Thank you momof2girls you said EVERYTHING that I wanted to hear. I would love to hear more about how you H came back and how long it took for him to come back and how long your H was with OW. I believe my H has been with ow for about a year and it doesn't seem like it will ever end with them. I am so sad and I really feel bad for our S because my H never spends any time with him but sometimes on the weekend he takes S and girlfriend out but the that's all and H doesn't really pay any attention to him. I know my S is hurting because My H use to spend a lot of time with him but now nothing. I think H only takes him out with OW so that he looks like a good dad to her. I'm just so sad and I wish this would all end. My h is still living in the house with us and as far as I know no one has mentioned anything negative about him taking s to OW's house but I do know that a few months ago his family was very upset about the way H was acting and having a girlfriend and I know that his mom cried when he told them about the D. I love and miss his family so much and every so often they call or email me and I know they miss me too. Anyway thanks so much for listening and I would love any more advice anyone has and momof2girls I would love to hear more from you about your experience with your H and his MLC and anyone else. Thank you so much.
You might want to take a look at YellowRose's threads. She really talks about what she went thru, etc. It takes awhile for them to come home if they ever do and nine times out of ten, they leave again, come back, leave again, etc.
My H began his A September 2005!! It is true these women mean nothing but it takes the MLCer awhile to figure these things out. As H says, it is all an illusion and not what it is cracked up to be (the affair).
My H moved out June '06, came back Jan. '07 for a few weeks, moved back home March of this year and moved out April and is still not back at home but things are going great for us so far.
Just remember, MLC takes quite a long time and it also takes them awhile to return home. It is not on our timeclock, unfortunately.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Thank you steelersfan for your help. I really want to believe that OW means nothing to him but it just seems like their relationship is going so well that it will never end. My H sleeps at her house like once a month and they went to Atlantic city together and she has met his family and he has met hers and the few times that he takes our 4 year old outit's with her too. Why would he do all of that if it wasn't serious? Also he spends the holidays with her and Christmas was the worst because I thought that we would have a nice Christmas together with our S but he left that morning to be with her. It's just killing me that he has a girlfriend. I really want to believe that ow is just a bandaid and I really hope that you are right but they've been together for a year now. Also steelersfan I would love to know if when your H had OW how long it lasted and if it was as serious as you thought at the time. Also I would love to know if while they are with OW if they ever think about their W or if they ever miss their W? Thanks again for all of your help Steelersfan you are great.
My H is still living at OW's. I do discuss on other threads about what they think because H tells me.
I have to make a correction to my above post. H has had the affair since 2004!!
As my H says, in the beginning of the A, it was fun, exciting, but you come to the realization that it is not what you think it is, it is just an illusion.
He said not a day goes by where he does not think about me and the kids. Yes, he does miss me.
Go and read some of my threads and I talk about what he says/has been saying as of lately.
He does not love her, says I am the love of his life, and the greatest gift God has given him. He told me this yesterday morning.
You are in the beginning stages of this MLC. I know it is hard but try not to focus so much on OW. She is not what you might think.
I have seen OW and she is the total opposite of me in every way.
Concentrate on you for now because if you dwell on your H and OW, it will drive you crazy.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Also, I wanted to add that H has never brought OW around our kids, has never asked to, and has never entertained the idea of doing things with them and her together.
Two of my kids have never seen her but my son did when he and I were driving home one day. I did not have to deal with OW being around my kids so that in itself has been a blessing.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I second steelersfan. You ahve to let the thoughts ofthe OW go. I have found greater peace in my life when I do not think or talk about her. I have come to realize that she is merely one more symptom of the crisis that my husband is living through. As Kalni has said, she is a bandaid and they eventually get old, dirty, and fall off.
Let it go and find positives in yourself to focus on.
SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
vs, My H had a short lived affair with OW...about 6 months, but lived with her. I was lucky enough that my kids were not exposed to her.
H came back about the same time I had decided that I would be ok without him...we had gone to court for D and H approached me at our daughters tball game and out of the blue said he wanted to work on it.
The details are all in my past threads.
I GAL, and only talked to H when necessary involving the kids.
I think this scared him and he realized what he was missing. He also did not like the way OW treated her children...guess the rose colored glasses wore off!
H has been home over a year and each day I am reminded of the pain I went through. It gets less and less but I still worry. H has been great...really showing me he is where he wants to be.
Our marriage is stronger and so am I. I have decided if H ever wandered from the M again, there would not be any more chances.
I do think his MLC turned his life upside down. Not only did he have OW, he also lost jobs. financially, he was a train wreck...
Concentrate on you, that is what I did, along with the help of a good counselor got me to understand that I would be ok on my own.
I can't believe your H lives at home and basically flaunts his OW in front of you!! Have you thought to kick him out unless he gets rid of her??
VC, dont' let your H know you are looking for a job or he'll try to give even less, as it is he wont' agree on a decent amount, I know you want your H back but please take care of yourself financially, for you and your son.
About As, you have a card signed by him and with her name on it, it has to count for something in court! if anything, they will award him less for his share of the assets.
How long is he planning on living with you and going to the ow? sounds like a rotten deal for you, him coming and going. I know you want to hear that he misses you and stuff, but chances are, his ears are deaf to any sense (his family with you) and is on a "high" with the ow, they are like a drug, a novelty. Supposedly As last about 6-8mths and then the newness wears off. Perhaps she has her claws deep into him since she is much older (my stbx's ow was deadly afraid of being alone so she clung to him and guilt him into staying with her).
Do you have a support group? can you go to a C? a support group in your church, county?
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
I know you are looking for alot of answers. We all did. Read as much as you can. If you can get a C, do. It really helped me to see what my h was going through.
The ow isn't worth you thoughts. Like everyone said she is just a pit stop through MLC. The A will get old.
This is a truly roller coaster ride. It takes time, patience and understand. Get out an do something special for you!
I check in with you later. Hang on, it's a long ride!!
