Some people just make this scenario a way of life. The skim off the top, instead of doing the hard dirty work on themselves.
You know when you do that hard dirty work and look in the mirror, sometimes what you see is scary, and overwhelming. It reminds you just how much work has to be done.
The strong do it. You are one of those strongs.
To see your face talk about your kids. Well, that says it all to me. To see your face talk about the hard work you do. How you even have practically taken in another son that is not your own.
That speaks volumes.
You are on the right path and track buddy.
Hopefully one day she will learn the same lesson.
Nice to "see" you lovey.
Live Simply Love Generously Care Deeply Speak Kindly Leave the rest to God
I received some advice from a Lady friend of mine yesterday in regards to my stbx and the new situation I find her in with OM #2. I've always respected her wisdom and she always puts what I would consider complicated issues into such a simplistic perspective.
She told me that my stbx is the type that will always have a Man in her back pocket and will never be satisfied with just one. She's the type that desires the attention and needs the drama. She said this would have never changed no matter what I tried. It is a Character flaw of hers that she would need to address and not necessarily a reflection on me as a Husband. She told me that I did the only thing I could have done by walking away.
I've thought about this for the past couple of days and I have to say, my friend made a good point. She may have hit the nail on the head and she doesn't even know my stbx. Thinking back over my situation, STBX's behavior did seem to fit that description to a tee.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
You mean, you're not the source of all relationship evil?
I know I had a part in it. There were many times I might have neglected her without knowing it. I didn't take the time to connect with her on a level we were on when we were first married. I had it in me all the time. I can communicate at a deep level, I knew how to make her feel wanted, special, and attractive. She was butter in my hand when I romanced her. I became complacent over the years. I thought she would always understand my feelings without me reminding her. I provided a comfortable living and was/am a good Father to her only child. I was faithful, kind, and truthful to her. I thought my actions would suffice. It's the words and communication that were missing for her. Some where along the line, I neglected to remind her how special and wanted she was. Uggg, relationships can be a lot of work and are not for the weak. I now know she wasn't the norm when it came to affirmation, validation and constant attention. I believe her abusive alcoholic Father ruined her self-esteem, but it's something I didn't realize until it was to late. She tries to capture this self-esteem from multiple Men. I hate to use the term "high maintenance", but let's call the duck a duck if it's quacking and walking on webbed feet.
I know I'm better at recognizing the needs of a Woman, but I believe there are many out there that require more attention then others. Yes, I made many mistakes, but like my friend said, she's the type that will always have a man in her back pocket to give her the extra attention. When her ego is no longer stoked by her present relationship, she'll move on to the next. I know what NOT to look for in my next relationship and that is one of the pluses of this experience. I know I will make an emotionally stable and healthy Woman happy.
She flat out dumped the guy in prison when he was turned down for parole. If she was capable of giving something of herself to somebody, she would have waited the two years for this guy. After basically ignoring me for 2 and 1/2 years, she all of the sudden wants to reconcile. Of course, I now understand why. I come to find out OM #2 (actually #3 if you count the reconciliation attempt with me) has been pinning for her the last 2 years, but he would have to wait his turn for last. He doesn't know he's last in line though and he doesn't know he will have to give more than he's ever going to get in return. He couldn't do it the first time around, and he's not going to be able to sustain this time around either. Married 3 times and he goes back to his first failed M... He can't be all that sharp!
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
He doesn't know he's last in line though and he doesn't know he will have to give more than he's ever going to get in return. He couldn't do it the first time around, and he's not going to be able to sustain this time around either. Married 3 times and he goes back to his first failed M... He can't be all that sharp!
Or, he could have a picture being painted for him that he likes. Remember Tom, it's about her (your focus) not about him.
Thanks Beth. I've been working allot lately. Had one day off since the beginning of June. The floods in the Midwest are really affecting our operations since our other data center is located in Iowa. The Engineers out there have been coping with the flooding and have not been able to Man the Data Center on a constant basis. We have been picking up the slack here and we are somewhat in disaster recovery mode. I did have last Thursday off and the boys and I went to a water park to celebrate Father's day. We had a great time!
Last edited by Astimegoeson; 06/16/0801:57 AM.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
