""I have asked myself this exact same thing. When is it your turn. Realistically no relationship is 50/50. Still doing all the WORK in a relationship makes you feel so tired after a while. ""
I'm only speaking for me here. I put all the life & energy & work into our relationship for years & years & years, & I was EXHAUSTED.
I think that in my sitch it's almost payback time right now, or me simply resting & recovering. I'm sitting back at times watching & waiting to see if he's learned how to put forth energy & effort & life into the R. He gets a gold star for effort, but he's still learning the energy & life part. But, I have realized that if I continued to do it all, he didn't have to. I enabled him for years, that's my fault. I take responsibility. I just assumed that if I gave 150%, so would he. He assumed that if I was giving 150%, everything was hunky dorey.
Hi cookie - I agree. If you look back at my original post, I think both WAS and LBS, who are here on DB, feel like they've just given non-stop and received nothing in return. That's why I was frustrated. I can't say I feel exhausted. I was willing to do so much more, but W was adamant about minimizing contact. I tried to break down that wall, but I couldn't. Maybe when she's finished her PhD she'll start looking around a little more, but not now.
And yes, we all need to take responsibility for what we brought to the R. But that can sometimes be not as straightforward as one might think.
