Hi Everyone - I haven't been posting in a while because I thought I was doing really well. My H filed for D in august 2007 and now we are in the process of a D. When my H dropped the bomb I was in shock and still in love with him. I asked him if he was seeing someone and at first he said no but after asking and asking he said he was. In my heart I didn't believe him because I never ever thought he would do that but now today I found a card that he was sending to a family member and it was signed with his name and the name of the woman he told me he was seeing back in August. I'm so sad about this and now the hurt is starting all over again. My H is 36 years old and the woman he is dating is about 50 years old and has grown children (one is married) my H and I have 1 son who is 4 years old. Anyway my question is why would he date someone who is that much older than he is? What I mean is I thought that when men go through a MLC that they tend to date younger women. I'm just so upset and I don't know what to do so I thought that maybe someone here could give me some advice any advice would be great. Thanks so much for listening.
My H's OW is older than he is. He is 52 and she is 53.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Wow a mommy figure I really didn't think that he wanted a mommy but I guess you're right. He was always a strong man who took care of everything so I guess it makes sense that he wants someone to take care of him now. Also I think she's married. I wish he would snap out of this and come back to me.
SMW - thank you so much for your kind words. I've been trying to find some goals but right now I'm clueless. I've been a stay at home mom since our 4 year old S was born so I'm thinking about finding a job when S starts school in september. We are in the D process right now and the Lawyers are trying to work out child support and a little alimony but H does not want to pay what my L has asked for. I'm so lost and confused and I really thought that H would have come back to me by now (wishful thinking). H and I have been together since I was 20 years old and now I'm 38 so I feel like he's all I know and all I want. H and I are still living in the same house but he does act very nice to me and I think we will have to live together until the house is sold which could take years to sell. Anyway thank you so much for letting me vent.
Hi everyone - I have a question for anyone who might be able to help. I had mentioned in my last post that my 36 year old H is dating a 50 year old woman and I do understand that it could be like a mommy figure to him but I was also wondering if he's dating her because maybe he didn't date very much when we got together. My H and I have been together since he was like 19 years old and I think that I was his first. He did date one other girl in high school but that was really it so I think I was his first real love. Does that make any sense? Any help would really be appreciated. Thank you.
My H has actually used his age when we met(19) and got married(21) as his argument for not knowing what he wanted in life. He also had not been a very social person and had never had a aserious girlfriend--ever. I know I was his first. My cousin calls this "first date syndrome". The OW meets two needs--they get a mommy figure and still get to enjoy the rush of having the dating experience they never did before. I think she might be on to something. it does not, however, mean that they never loved us. It is just one more way to justify their actions. It is an excuse, no more no less. The OW is a band-aid for something that is broken on the inside of our H.
Remember, a D is nothing more than a piece of paper.
Does the L know that H is carrying on a relationship with an OW during the D process? In many states this is a BIG no and the courts tend to look more favorably on the LBS' requests--up to and including legal fees. Stick to your guns and refuse to discuss anythign concerning the D with your H. Tell him everythign needs to go through the Ls. In the meantime, continue to DB.
If he is still living in the same home with you, what kind of relationship does he have with the OW? Her self-esteem must be in the toilet to continue in this situation for a year. This article realyl gave me a lot of insight into the OW--as much as I do not want to, I pity a woman willing to livea half life. Their limbo is way worse than ours is.
Keep your chin up, hon. You need to focus on you and your children, not H. When you are more confident in who you are, you will become the greener grass over the insecure woman willing to settle for crumbs.
SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
I saw not too long ago, a man from IL was suing for alienation of affection because his wife was having an affair. Sounds like a painful thing to go thru but he got something like $5,000.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Thank you so much SMW and Steelersfan for the great advice it really helps. Ya know SMW I think we do have the same H because my H was never very social. I totally agree with what your cousin said about first date syndrome it really makes a lot of sense. When my H dropped the bomb he said ILYBINILWY and he said that he doesn't think he ever was and that just killed me. I believe that he's been with this OW since August and I think she has met his family so I'm thinking that it's pretty serious. I mentioned to my L about OW but I don't think it matters in our case we live in NY so maybe it's different here I don't know. I read that article that you mentioned and found it very helpful thank you for that. My H has also brought our 4 year old S to her house does that mean that his relationship with her is going well I mean why would he do that if it wasn't serious? I keep praying that their relationship will end but I don't see it happening any time soon. H is such a different person now that he is like a total stranger to me. He acts very polite to me and that kind of scares me. Thanks so much for the great advice and I would love any more advice you might have. Hugs to you SMW and Steelersfan you are both so great and I appreciate the GREAT advice!
Hi everyone - I could really use some advice I hope someone can help me. I mentioned in my last post that my 36 year old H has a 50 year old girlfriend and it seems pretty serious because he's met her family and she has met his and he brings our 4 year old s to her family parties and he take our s and his 50 year old girlfriend to the movies, park,beach you know everywhere. Anyway here is my question do you think it really is that serious I mean do these type of things last. We are already going through the D our L's are trying to gigure out how much he will pay me each month and so far he won't agree on an amount. My H's girlfriend has a 27 year old D who is married and a S 23 and another s 17. I just want to know if this will last I mean can they really have anything in common. Is there a chance that he will get sick of her and come back to me? I'm just so sad today because H took our S to her family party and he told me that he was going to see his brother. Thank you for listening and please any advice would be so great.
