Once again updating my sitch and would like anyone's thoughts and or advice.
So yesterday we found and bought my W a car, she was very happy and appreciated me helping her out with the whole process. All day long we got along pretty well.
Fast forward: She left to go wash the car and see a friend but was coming back later cause we agreed to rent a movie. Things seem to be going ok at the time as we headed off to grab a movie. As we looked at movies, out of nowhere she mentioned that she might go to church tomorrow, that surprised me. We got our movies left and on our way back, since I was excited for her about the car I ask if she wanted to drop by our friends house to show them. Anyway we called ahead and they weren't home. Now keep in mind from my earlier post she mentioned us to start doing some dates. After she got off the phone with our friend I said "Hey I got an idea, maybe we could catch up with them sometime to go eat." She responded "Yeah" but she sounded hesitant. Immediately she says "I can't promise you anything."
It was from her that the R talks begin. She also says that when I say anything that contains WE or US in the sentence that it makes her feel like I am talking about the future to much, and that this is to much to fast. I am not intensionally trying to give her that idea or impression.
She continues to bring up the past and I have sincerely apologized to her several times. She does say that she can see good positive change and wants to she if I remain consistent. What frustrates me is we talk and I attempt to give her explanations to the questions that she ask she will get mad, shut down, and withdrawal. She is asking so I do my best, but when she pulls away like she always does I end up looking like the a$$ and I'm damned if do and damned if I don't. Also she made a comment to me that she was turned off to me, her being mad at the time, I wonder if that should fall under believe nothing you hear and half of what you see.
Since I have read DR I think that our approach to communicating about the R is not working and we need to find a new way to approach things. I just don't know what to do.
The past 2 months before this weekend I had backed way off. I didn't talk about us much or lead her on about the future even though I know what I want which is her back. It seems like she was starting to come around when I was more dark.
Oh yeah, we didn't get to our movie since we or I was trying to get a better understanding of her. She left less than mad, I told her that I didn't want to end the night on a bad note so I ask if I could give her a hug. She said she wasn't into the touchy feely stuff to much right now. So I ask if a hug were bad and she said no that would be ok. Then I ask her if the full body massage I gave her yesterday was bad and she said no that she appreciated that. So what she says about touchy feely and what she allows me to do just confuses the hell out me. We did hug at the end and she was more somewhat more calm, but a little upset, but said she just needed some time right now and that we would talk later. Well she is suppose to come by Mon. to give me a check for some bills and that we may talk then. I'm just kinda lost on what to do right now cause I don't want to backslide further and make things worse. I am wondering how to approach tomorrow.
