I am so glad that you are back!!!!!! WOW, H wasn't phased and held you and kissed your head???!!! that is HUGE!!!!
I am wondering... you keep saying that H hasn't changed at all. Can we brainstorm a list of babysteps from H that would indicate that he was growing and working on himself??? Not R babysteps, but H-for-himself babysteps? comforting you while you were crying is so big, I am wondering... not to defend H here... if he is changing but you might be overlooking the signs???
I am so excited that you and OD are working on expressing your feelings more!!!!!! Can I tell you something good that happened to me? I have been working on *acknowledging and experiencing* my feelings. I had this weird friend situation with a friend who basically told me point blank she didn't want to hear me talk about my R. I was so hurt and angry... but anger is one of the hardest feelings for me to express. I worked on it with a friend of mine, and my counselor, and a couple days ago I thought about the weird friend situation again, and I realized, my anger was GONE. So apparently, when I let myself FEEL the feeling, eventually, it REALLY DOES change and dissipate... so counterintuitive to me!!!
I am sorry to hear about H's retarded late night text to probably OW. Beth darling, are you sure checking his phone records is helping ... ????
What you are doing is NOT foolish or desperate or wrong. Beth you really are standing up for what you believe in, and you are growing SO much!!!
