I just don't know how to get through this. Yes, I know I must. Yes, I know I can. I just don't know how. I'm crippled with pain and it hurts more and more everyday as my H gets stronger and stronger.
He's feeling the relief of this being over and of having made his decision and he's letting me know: I don't love anymore than just as a person. I do not find any joy in our relationship. You bullied and guilted me for much of the time we were together, that's not going to happen anymore. The kids will be just fine and if they aren't it's because we didn't do this well. I don't want to be married to you, I don't care if our relationship is good or not. While having sex with you physically felt good, it was nothing more. I do not miss you. I do not miss us.
I'm crushed. It's Father's Day and how can I celebrate him? He's a father who can't sacrifice for his children. And they are off with him and I'm alone. My friends are all busy with their dads or their kids and I'm here alone because I have no family here and can't move back to where my family is.
I have no job, no career and no future. I'm losing my house, my marriage, my family as I know it and over $100k in money we put down on the house. At 40 I have to start all that up from scratch. It's not fair. He gets everything he wants. He has a great career, a great future, gets to be FREE! He's taking away everything that's important me. All that I have worked on.
I don't know how to hold on, though I know I must. I cried throughout all of yoga today, took a nap, just woke up and plan on going back to sleep again. Then I have to do dinner with him and the kids. I'm going to look a mess.
Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09
Oh, cw. I'm so sorry you're going through this. (((hugs)))
You will hold on. You will get through this. Take a deep breath. Act AS IF for dinner tonight- you're going to make it because we're virtually holding your hands through this. Get some make-up on. You're going to do this and surprise him with how together you are.
Why do you have to do dinner with him? Why not tell him you don't want to do dinner with him. Just let him bring the kids home when he's had his fake father's day.
I am sorry! You will get through this. It takes time for everything to sink in and for you to become able to cope with reality. Take care of yourself. You WILL get through this. Kalni
Hi CW. I'm so sorry you're having a bad day. When did he tell you all that stuff? Today? Or over the last few days. Remember that you shouldn't believe everything they say and only some of what they do.
I agree with Sara. Why do you have to have dinner with him? If you do decide to go for dinner then Lisa has some good dieas.
Jen
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
Don't forget how miserable your H was to you on Mother's Day. I don't know why, but I think he uses these holidays to torture you. He is very passive agressive IMO.
I'm crushed. It's Father's Day and how can I celebrate him? He's a father who can't sacrifice for his children.
Gosh, I understand this emotion so much. And my H has chosen today to be the Bomb day for our girls. Yes tonight we inform them that he is moving out tomorrow. I don't know why they think it's ALL about them. At least that is what I feel with my H right now. I love him so much, and desparately want to repair this, but like you I have anger. And like you, I resent that he can't put himself aside for a little while to really work WITH me, even it's it's not for US, but for the kids.
Do I want to stay together JUST for the kids no? But I really don't care WHAT is his motivation for doing the work, I just want him to join the fight. And it's sad, and frustrating all at the same time.
I'm so sorry. This has been a horrible day for me as well, especailly knowing what is looming when they all come back from their fun day of fishing. "Great, hope you guys all had a GREAT day. Daddy is leaving us tomorrow. Happy Father's Day!"
Chris
__________ Me:39 H:39 D:8 D:4 M:9 (T 13) Bomb 4-5-08, H moved out 6-16-08, Reconciled and H moved back in 5-31-09 Still doing GREAT a year later!!!
They are going to my favorite pizza place for dinner and the kids practically begged met to go with them. Regardless of the fact that I think he's less than a stellar father, he is their father and I am not going to take away their belief in him. As they grow, they can see with their own eyes that he made selfish choices and make their own decisions on the matter.
My H is very passive aggressive. A text from him today (yes, I asked him once again not to do this): "I am also not going to be bullied or cajoled or guilted into changing course. I felt I lived that way for much of the time we were together and it made me miserable." He never spoke his mind, he never stood up for himself until this act. Passive aggressive indeed. He never once said he was unhappy, he went straight to divorce. We rarely fought. Everyone but him, me included, thought we were a happy, strong couple. But inside this rage, anger and disgust built and built until he couldn't make it right again, he didn't want to make it right again.
To top off the rotten day, the gentleman from Retrouvialle called while I was napping. I told him that my husband has "no plans" on going. He asked if we had kids, I told him we did, he said, "he won't even go for them?" and I repeated the text above. He was dumbfounded and said he was going to give him a call to see what he could do. I told him it wasn't a good idea and that he wasn't going to change his mind, but he said he'd call again and call me back if he was successful. No call back.
I know we are done. I don't care about not believing what they say, etc. He is done. And I know my husband, there's no turning back. He's more stubborn than me when he puts his mind to something. He's convinced himself that he was always miserable with me and never truly happy together.
My life as I know it, as I've worked for and made it is over. And I'm so tired, so spent from these past 10 months, I don't know how I'll ever get over this.
Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09
I'm sorry for the really difficult situation. He is an arrogant ass. And unfortunately, he is your arrogant ass. As much as you can, give him what he wants in spades. I suspect his life will remain miserable. Not because of anything you do, because as a person, he is miserable.
I can't believe how much of an idiot he is! In just a few weeks he's gone from claiming he wanted to try to come home to this! I'm sorry cw, you do NOT deserve what he's doing! I'm proud of your view of his relationship with the kids. You are so right, in the end they will know, but they should find out for themselves.
