Even though I feel so relieved about d, why am I feeling depressed today? If you can believe (and I'm waiting for the 2x4's) I miss h!!! after evreything he has done, I guess I was in crisis mode the past couple of weeks and it was easy to hate him.
today there was a great yard sale -- something h and I LOVED going to. went to them every weekend. I went home and went back to bed. I feel low and alone. I KNOW he isn't the one for me, even MY MOM couldn't believe I was talking this way today!!
I felt incredible relief and sense of power after my victory over H in a temporary support hearing. But sadly, that feeling dissipated and I am back to missing him.
And here's the real crazy part: I burst into tears yesterday when I saw that he made the court-ordered deposit into my account. I somehow feel sorry for him. Why, I don't know because he has been so cold and distant for so long.
I'm feeling really down today. It's Father's Day and h and d and I don't know where they went. Probably to his mother's. I can't believe after everything he has done I am actually missing him. what is wrong with me/??? will I EVER get past this?
I love my daughter so much and am so grateful for her, but I guess I also miss being a family or what I THOUGHT was a family. I'm alone in this house and I feel like I'll always feel this way.
I"m ashamed to even type this, given the hell he has put me through the past 2 weeks (well 4 months, but esp. past 2 weeks). this is the only place I can say it.
We all go through missing the life we had. It's only natural. None of us wanted the end of that life.
You are not wrong for having these feelings.
But it is important that you allow yourself to see clearly the here and now also. We can't make decisions based upon what WAS. We have to make our decisions based on what IS.
Perhaps the day will come when the man you were married to will return in a recognizable for. Most of us here have wished for that. But till then it is important for you to realize that this new person is not inclined to do well by you or for you.
Keep yourself safe and your daughter safe.
And don't be too hard on yourself.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
It is really hard to be the LBS. If you were the one who walked away you wouldn't miss him at all. But because you have been rejected you feel very bad. I think a lot of it is in the rejection itself, not who your husband is.
I didn't know how bad it felt until it happened to me. I did not value my H at all. I hated him. And then he got a girlfriend, and suddenly I wanted him back. Then he became the perfect mate for me. Our minds play tricks on us. Just keep looking forward to when your daughter comes home to you. Finally, you will get some time with her.
Its ok to miss having your family unit. Its really ok. And yes, you will get past this.
I am still so mad at your H for pathetically calling a "Truce" with you ONLY after he realized he had lost. What a weak person. Using your child against you. Terrible.
having a hard day. I haven't seen d since wed and haven't talked to her since thursday.
I am grateful that h and I have made a custody agreement, but I feel really alone today. so alone.
and I don't know about my future. I'm scared. will anyone ever love me again (romantically). I KNOW and am so grateful for d, but I just feel so sad and lonely today. no one is around due to the holiday. and I can only talk about my sitch to people for so long, you know?
Yes. All of these holidays are difficult when you are alone. This is why you now need to get busy getting a life. Even if it's only doing an art project or reading a book. You need to have something for you to do to take your mind off the time alone. Once you get used to it, time alone can be a very nice thing. But at first it is lonely and seems to last forever. Why aren't you visiting your father today?
So get out of the house by yourself. Go out and do something. You don't always need someone around you. Its great to be alone at times!!! Think of this time as storing away "patience" and "quiet time" when you have your daughter and you are wearing thin. Its like stocking up on quiet time.
