Number 8, still too late for DB to work.

[cw68]

I just don't know how to get through this. Yes, I know I must. Yes, I know I can. I just don't know how. I'm crippled with pain and it hurts more and more everyday as my H gets stronger and stronger.

He's feeling the relief of this being over and of having made his decision and he's letting me know: I don't love anymore than just as a person. I do not find any joy in our relationship. You bullied and guilted me for much of the time we were together, that's not going to happen anymore. The kids will be just fine and if they aren't it's because we didn't do this well. I don't want to be married to you, I don't care if our relationship is good or not. While having sex with you physically felt good, it was nothing more. I do not miss you. I do not miss us.

I'm crushed. It's Father's Day and how can I celebrate him? He's a father who can't sacrifice for his children. And they are off with him and I'm alone. My friends are all busy with their dads or their kids and I'm here alone because I have no family here and can't move back to where my family is.

I have no job, no career and no future. I'm losing my house, my marriage, my family as I know it and over $100k in money we put down on the house. At 40 I have to start all that up from scratch. It's not fair. He gets everything he wants. He has a great career, a great future, gets to be FREE! He's taking away everything that's important me. All that I have worked on.

I don't know how to hold on, though I know I must. I cried throughout all of yoga today, took a nap, just woke up and plan on going back to sleep again. Then I have to do dinner with him and the kids. I'm going to look a mess.