Wow--what a story! You have accomplished so much. Good for you.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
So great to hear from you all! You have no idea how nice it was to sit down today and check the post, like old times.
Snodderly, boy do you remember the long haul I had to get here. Thank you so very much for your advice and guidance throughout my journey. I remember back in the day that going onto the computer and seeing posts, like yours, were really my lifeline to surivival. I remember it like it was yesterday although it seems like a lifetime ago at the same time.
Yes, things have changed. I went to son's bball game yesterday and saw XH there keeping score, etc. He was there with the on again/off again GF aka Rat-- I know awful but that is what I used to call her. She stands behind him, he ignores her. She was all dolled up, he didn't notice. She watched me the whole time, I pretend I don't see her. Her son comes up to me and says hi, I give him a high five and mention the tooth he lost. The kids cute and it's not his fault. All in a day of MTN.
I now know how defeated XH feels as he told me two weeks ago. We talked for two hours in a parking lot when he met me at a batting cage with my S. We sent S inside with his pal and XH and I talked about my career, kids, money, stuff going on with his work, etc. One of his former employees contacted me to give me more dirt on XH since they are going to court over some employment issues. Long story short, I told the guy I wasn't interested in hearing it. I have to admit, at first, it was tempting to hear about XH's money sitch, the dirt on his affair, etc., and then I thought,"why now?" If this guy had so much stuff on XH and was a true friend, why did he decided two years post-D to call me. Forget it.
I told XH about the guys call. I don't want any part in the demise of his business. Why would I? XH works his butt off and has always paid my alimony and C.S. on time. I told XH I was on his side and had no interest in hearing any dirt on him. As far as I was concerned, he paid his dues and I wanted to have a good coparenting R with him. I said to him, "you know how much you make, you know the dirt that may come out in court, you know I may find out about it, so it's your decision on what to do with all that information."
Frankly, the drama doesn't interest me anymore. I see no reason to get involved in anything outside my life at home with the kids, my career, my extended family and friends. As for XH, he made his bed. However, he has really acknowledged what a mess he made of his life, how wacked his Rat is, and he hints time and time again how he misses us.
Thought I would share this with you as a thought for the day..
I was at another bball game a few weeks ago. It was Xh's night to have the kids so I met him at the field with D in tow and bags for the night. He was leaning up against the fence watching the game. He is overly friendly when I am around which I find interesting and annoying at the same time. whatever..Anyway, I go over to him and say hi and Jane, our friend, comes over to day hi.
Jane gives us a big hello and leans against the fence, too. We start talking about my party that New Guy had for me a week prior for my 40th. Me, being me, decide to change the subject since I don't want XH to feel like a jerk and not in the converstaion. So, I link it to the Halloween party we had in 2004 when XH was still there and Jane had a few too many. We all laughed.
XH said, yeah, and got all choked up, those were the good ole days.
The good ole days..
So, these good ole days are the days he used to classify as him being a "hamster on a wheel" and he felt suffocated. Now he wishes he had them back.
That is my story for the day. They do think about what they lost and they do regret it. It's what we do with all that information that matters.
You don't know me, I'm pretty new here- H dropped the ILYBNILWY bomb last July, moved out 3 months ago, and still doesn't know what he wants. Maybe divorce, maybe not, so I live in limbo right now, and am still on the emotional rollercoaster. I always look at the posts of restored marriages, but your's gives me hope on the other side of things. I'm turning 40 on Sat., and I keep thinking who's going to want to date a 40 year old with 2 kids? But it sounds like you've made a new awesome life for yourself and your kids, and found a great guy. Should my situation go the D route, I can only hope to be so lucky! Congratulations!
Me 39 H 45 T13 M11 D6.5 S4 ILYBNILWY July 07 OW e-mails found 12/15/07 H moved out 3/15/08
Thanks so much for your post, sweetie. I promise you, things will get better but you have to keep forging ahead. Focus on you and the kids. It's so important to set goals for youself, too, outside the R, whether your are D'd or not.
Off to the Poconos with New Guy for a few days on our own for his bday. Cabin in the woods on a lake..Ahhh...
myturn let me tell you -- your post and your honesty and all that jazz was/is awesome.
i will be officially d very soon. signed the paper friday and well it is what it is.
My h--- he is gone - and not close to remembering the good ole' days. I think what i loved MOSt about yoru post is what we are suppose to be doing - and you are living proof-- and that is getting a life.
i am sure you can relate to all of our journeys. but you sound so good - so strong -- and really ok. man oh man do i want that for me.
thank you for sharing..
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
I had a moment and I wanted to stop by and say hello to all my DB buddies.
So many new faces and some old buddies..Great to read about all of you!
Well, we had a great summer. My son starts high school this week and my D11 will be in sixth grade. They are doing so well and I cannot believe that four years ago almost to the day my Xh told me he was leaving. Rather, I found out via cell phone message on his cell he was having an A. So many bad memories but many good memories since then.
As of last Thursday, I was offered a full time temp position for four months at a local college as a writing professor. I worked there part time last year and absolutely loved it so you can only imagine how thrilled I was to get offered this job!
As for New Guy..well, it's been three years and it's better than ever. We had a great weekend so far..beach, steamers at a local oceanside bar, now home for a movie. Kids are at XH's. Who, by the way, I am getting long great with as of the last year. He is even nice to New Guy!
Do I think he regrets it..absolutely. He has told me so. Funny, how we came to a place where we sort of let go of the garbage that happened. Well, at least i think we did. He is still tightly wound and I see him flucuating with his moods, still, but not as bad. He is back and forth with his g.f. aka the Rat but mostly off. He is with her by default and she knows it. The kids are constantly saying stuff about her. I just listen but she is not bad to the kids. She and my XH just fight all the time. Ugh..don't miss that.
So, life is good. I have a new career, new man, I got the house, my garden, my life!
MTN, It's great to hear from you. Live is good after all of the rubbish has been cleared away. I'm very happy to see that eveything is on an even keel for you and your family. I can't believe your son is to high school! Time sure has flown for all of us.
I'm glad to see that you and your xh can actually talk now and be civil to one another. Oh, yeah, they truly do regret what they've done, but it's too little too late once the "war of the crisis" is over and the damage has been assessed. As for the new guy, I'm very happy to see he's still hanging in there.
I wish you all of the very best. You fought the battle, but won the war. Enjoy teaching!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you for posting. Your story is very inspiring. I admire your strength and your decision to move on with your life.
You have handled it with such grace and forgiveness. Your new man is very lucky. Your ex is very sad and will probably have many regrets his whole life.
God Bless
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Great hearing from you! Sounds like life is really sweet for you. I am so happy for all of you. It amazes me, after all that happened, that you and EX can get along so well now. Awesome.
Have a great teaching year!
Spitty
Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest. Mark Twain
