infidelity

[hoosiermama]

Okay, just to clarify--I haven't asked for MC for a few weeks (this has been going on 4 weeks now). He went from refusing counseling to agreeing to one session to end things to more of a process. Yes, it's possibly part of his justification. However--and it's a big however--I keep hearing about how I was the one who quit MC 3 years ago. Over and over he's reminded me. The reason I quit was because it was his IC for a couple of years before it was MC, and the guy was very biased (he should never have agreed to it to begin with) and knew nothing about me, and projected a lot of issues that just weren't mine. Now H remembers me saying "I'm not the one with problems," which I never would have said. I pressed then to find a different MC, which he didn't want to do, and he believes that he pulled out of the marriage emotionally at that point (I don't, but that doesn't really matter). So--if I cancel the appointment, he'll have plenty of material to build his wall.

He's also very therapist-savvy, being in a related field himself. If the counselor presses him about the affair, or says (as I expect) you can't work on this one while pursuing an A, it will have a lot more weight than if I say it. This one, I've been told by folks I trust, can cut thru his BS, and while he may not hear it now, it will be the MC confronting him and not me, so he can't automatically discount what she says. And at this point, he does want to go. He may have his own agenda that he may or may not be aware of, but I trust that she will call him on his crap. He may or may not hear it, but it's the best shot I have at being solution-based and not blame-based.

I do see what you're saying, but I think that given the history, cancelling would be a negative thing.